h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sproatley (n)
A very old person (100+) who the local media report on as been that old due to a bottle of Guiness and a cigar everyday since they were 12.

Leven (n)
A loaf of bread that's been stuffed in a carrier-bag with 2 pints of milk and a box of Daz.

Spurn Point (n)
The precise moment when a girl in a night club agrees to coffee at a man's flat.

Kilnsea (n)
A condemned caravan on a camp-site which is getting closer to falling over the clifftop due to coastal erosion and is therefore not worth the bother of rescuing it.


Willerby (n)
A solicitors business card which is found in a funeral-parlour waiting-room.

Ulrome (vb)
To be unable to afford a taxi home after leaving a nightclub.

Tunstall (n)
A raw-sewage outfall pipe that doesn't quite reach as far as the low-water mark.

Pocklinton (n)
A group of mothers in a chemist buying zit lotions and anti-bacterial facewash for their teenage children.

Long Riston (vb)
To settle down to an afternoon's self-abuse while the house is empty.

Halsham (vb)
To lose one's dentures off a balcony after a particularly explosive sneeze.

Brandesburton (adj)
Unable to take a shirt back to the shops because of the iron-shaped scorchmark on the back.

Burton Agnes (n)
The elderly aunt who caused the Brandesburton.

Burton Constable (n)
A security guard in a clothing store.

Beeford (n)
A well-endowed man who gets banned from the gym for wearing cycle-shorts.

Mark..