h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I know I didn't pay anything for this little gleaming gem of prose, but could I have my money back.
I came away from this article feeling that although it fulfilled some of my desires (namely to waste time at the end of a Friday afternoon), it did nothing to assuage my baser desires.

So, please sir, could I have my money back?

AndyF
Who is trying to look busy on a Friday afternoon by typing this message

Rather makes me worry what your "baser desires" are, Andy.

Look, If he wants his monkey back, maybe you should give it to him.

Although, frankly, he's probably better off without a monkey on his back.

I know, because I've been trying to get several monkeys off my back for quite some time.

P.S. - Are mashed bananas good for one's hair?

Of course mashed bananas are good for your hair - why do you think monkeys are so hairy?

Schmuck: A stupid or contemptible person, is probably a fair description of me.

Schmuck: Yiddish for penis, is probably a fair description of you Mr Passwater.

Sorry, Mr Bywater, but I have to tell you that your analysis program has cocked up, some of those points were way off beam. And if your manservant (And I take it you refer to your butler, cos if you are talking about anything else, I'm outta here) serves Krug at room temperature, fire him! It'll make you feel so much better, and teach him a valuable lesson. One which, having retained the keys, he will be sure to come and thank you for in the middle of the night.

With a very large axe.

If not to steal all the Krug!

AndyF

PS - Monkeys aren't causing any problems at the moment, although my hair does seem to be particularly shiny and healthy this morning.
PPS - Mark: I guess my baser desires would be pretty much the same as anybody elses: lots of sex, lots of money!! Say no more, really!

Dear Man in Shack

Get out more! (but remember to take the key to your shack door or you might not get back in).

From whence did you get the idea that Andy F had a monkey in the first place (to say nothing of him wanting it back)?

On the subject of mashed bananas, they're very good in sandwiches, don't you, or anybody else who might be reading this and feel like replying, think?

That is, so long as nobody has had them in their hair first.

Dear 53321

I get the feeling you haven't been round here long, have you?
You will soon learn that the one thing that typifies threads on H2G2 is that they frequently (and quickly) become quite surreal.

Just to let you know that I still haven't got my money back, and this damned monkey is still here. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm getting funny looks from my colleagues at work - I know that, sooner or later, somebody is going to come up and say "Do you know you've got banana in your hair?"

To which I will reply, "Yes, but have you felt how smooth and shiny it is?" (Chat up lines were never my forte!)


AndyF

But, if they say 'I've a bone to pick with you', you can quite justifiably say 'sorry, but I only use bananas'.

Oh - and someone recommended banana and peanut butter sandwiches, but she is American, so what can you expect?

Hmm, Peanut Butter, brings back memories that would be censored here, and it does make a mess of the bed sheets!
However, who is the person responsible, and have they the License for the 'Minkee'?

Grey Area,
You educated thing you, next you will be telling me that the only vintages you drink are, '60' '61' '71' etc.
I am dying of envy here, Krug indeed!
Slobber, slobber.

AAAAAAH, I drinks anyshing, me, vintage Klug, fi hic! fine Cognac, Brobat, yoo na Hic! name it, I'll buddy dr Hic! dringk it!

Next time somebody you know goes to Germany. Get them tyo go to a supermarket and get yah some of that there 'Escorial Grun', stuff....
Hic....

Refund Sir? Certainly, please step this way and examine my shoe leather at close quarters!
So help me, one of these days some F**k Witt comes back for a refund because he is not capable of ether reading the instructions, or turning the gizzmo ON, I'll introduce them some interesting cranial tap dancing.....

mmm... banannnas

.... monkeys...?

We also sell zip fasteners for re-usable bananas!

Did her bananas have CE stickers on them, and more to the point, what about the ankle rettrieval strap? ;-}

The silver one?