h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Surely the safest way to watch the eclipse is to watch it from the UK, where it'll be cloudy as usual and you won't be able to see anything anyway...

Rubbish!!! The safest way is to listen to it on the radio.

Yes, that would work... just listen to the radio, and slowly move a small black circle of card in front of the nearest light bulb. That's what I'll be doing, since I don't seem to be able to connect to the BBC's eclipse webcam.

Oh... except that we're not allowed radios in the office.

It is gloriously sunny where I am and not a cloud in the sky - my line manager has cleared me to watch it and I am heading outside!

So have you seen any members of your personnel department wandering round with any large sticks yet?

Not yet... well, no more than normal...

Gloriously sunny? That's not supposed to happen. Wouldn't it be funny if they'd got the date wrong? "Sorry, the eclipse has been postponed until tomorrow."

I don't think I can go through all this hype all over again. Any way its started so unless there are leaves on the line or the wrong kind of atmosphere I think this is it.

I did giggle though when I saw the skies over Cornwall!!!

I do believe it's starting to get dark here... although that could just mean it's about to rain.

I think we should all follow the advice Patrick Moore gave on the news last night: if it's cloudy, we'll just say "Oh dear, tut tut, how disappointing," and retire to the pub.

He is right you know - quite the safest way of viewing an eclipse is by putting your head in a bucket of Guinness.

There's some kind of joke about "dark glasses" in there, but I can't be bothered working it out.

I don't know if this is related, but the air conditioning's just switched itself off...

Right. So we all trooped out, stood around for 20 minutes or so, then we all trooped back in again. I don't know about you, but I was kind of expecting it to go dark or something. I think it's all been an elaborate hoax.

I feel cheated and generally conned. I think I am going to sue the Cornish Tourist Board - its all their fault. They hyped it - special episodes of Corrie and 'Enders and then what happens.....nothing. Not even the birds could be bothered to roost.

I can't believe Philippa Forrester lied to me! She said it would get dark! How can I ever watch Tomorrow's World again? (Begins to sob quietly)

This is the point where Jeremy Beadle pops up, grinning inanely, and shouts "Ha! Caught you! You all fell for the old solar eclipse gag!"

Did anything happen at all? Did it get noticeably darker?

I have a new definition for "futility": thousands of photographers along the path of totality gamely trying to light up the eclipse with their flashguns. Hurrah!

It got quite dark here in Bloomsbury for a while. Like dusk and the sky was quite a dark blue between the clouds.

E Vibenstein - I am sure that Phillipa didn't mean to lead you on like that.......

Thanks for joining us, your Majesty. Is Tugnafia on the path of totality, or was everybody just standing outside in slightly gloomier weather than normal, as we were in Scotland?

Hmmmmph. It's back to afternoons in the broom cupboard with Edd the Duck for Ms Forrester!

(Oh my god ..... royalty ....)

Your Majesty please excuse my disgraceful lack of courtesy. How goes it in your fair realm?

Tugnafia is, by royal decree, the safest place to watch the eclipse. Nevertheless, loyal Tugnafians everywhere have been taking precautions and the sale of condoms has risen sharply since nine o'clock this morning.