h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: In the distance.... - A13693025
Author: ladye_seagull <circling mermaids> - U3731692

This is the introduction of quite a substantial piece of work which is going to have huge repercussions if I'm not very careful. Please treat this whole thing, which is the beginning of a horror story, with a huge pinch of salt.

Thanks. This certainly arouses my interest.
I once did a short story writing course and, among the things that I learnt was that one should start with a striking first sentence. Now, you can ignore that advice if you like. because there aren't really hard and fast rules about writing. But if you start with 'The day started like any other', you do risk some people stopping reading right there. Try turning it round and start with the baby's cry.
Best wishes.

I GAINS, PRODUCTS and SLATES
SEAGULLS, BOVRILS and PLATES

The day started off like any other. The sea was crashing on the shore - big waves of salt and rafters.

Then the clouds began to gather.
They grew larger and larger, greyer and greyer.

Eventually great droplets of snow began to fall from the sky.

The people were amazed…
Never before had they seen such HUGE snowflakes settling on the sea.

There was a muffled silence.

Each snowflake must have been a good five inches in diameter.

Shortly the sea, the seashore and the beach had disappeared under a cover of whiteness. Nothing moved and all was silent. It was the sort of muffled silence one can hear after a heavy snowfall.

A seagull screeched in the distance and a baby’s cry could be heard…

Cynthia was a beautiful woman. All the men ogled and adored her. She hadn’t told anyone about the strange man she had met on top of the hill next to the Tower. She didn’t think her family would like him, to be perfectly honest, she was a little bit frightened of him herself; but she loved him.

They made wondrous love 3 times a night for 3 nights in a row. On the fourth night he left her. She ached for him after he had left. Instead of subsiding, the ache in her stomach grew bigger and bigger. In fact, so upset was she, over the loss of her lover that, she realized, the ache was a reality and her tummy began to swell.

As the snowstorm subsided and the flakes stopped falling the silence deepened.
At the far end of the beach there was an old lifeboat hangar and underneath the hangar was a pocket of water that had been protected from the snowfall.
Floating in the water was a bedraggled young woman. She was barely still alive, and yet, there was movement in the water beside her.

The woman who had been abused, victimized and ridiculed by her peers for so long didn’t care any more. Her anger was now no more than a droplet of wisdom. The wonderful person who had once been a kind, loving woman had been so maligned by society that she was nothing more than a troublesome wretch. She decided that if she could not kill herself she would kill them instead.

The tiny creature was not visible at first.

“Oh wonder! It’s a baby!” they cried.

They gasped.

As they watched , the baby grew and grew, there was an insidious munching noise, the baby was eating its’ mother.

In the space of ten minutes the five inch baby had turned into a three foot monster. Now satisfied, it licked its’ lips. The newborn hunger had abated. It swam towards the shore, and safety.

The onlookers fled…

Harry, Larry and Terry were out jogging. Terry was flailing due to the 4 Mars bars he had consumed earlier. Larry wasn’t doing much better. He was still stuffed with the 17 doorsteps his mother had helped him stuff down his gullet. The only one of the three of them that managed to jog successfully was Harry. That was probably because he often sat playing guitar in one of the side streets in Devon and occasionally had to scarper when he saw the police cars hiding round the corner. On good days he gratefully received silver coins dropped into his hat from passers by or receiving advice from people he had met in a previous re-incarnation. He was poor and penniless. Sometimes he wished he hadn’t given so much money to the Lifeboats, that he had spent more time worrying about himself and less about other people. Still, at least he could jog better than Larry and Terry.

The three foot baby ambled forward, chortling to itself. “So!” it thought “the scientists on planet Earth have proved there are no such things as aliens!” It
Glanced from side to side thinking “this is extremely good news for me (wink) I can eat bits of them before they’ve even realized…” and onward it moved. It had already grown into a gloriously beautiful boy who would be loved and adored by strangers.

The overriders on planet spickleblob were mesmerized. How could this monster be so loved by humans as it muched away at them. Were they mad? Had the fairheaded monster hypnotised them? I think perhaps it had.

Joker, joker you’re a creep
Tonight for you, won’t get no sleep
Jump if you like in your hairy jeep
My hate for you is incredibly deep.
The police will catch you if they can
You’re not a monster, nor a man
You’re an incredibly useless, boring shark
Hark, hark, Hark, hark
The dogs don’t bark.

Cynthia put some of the melted snow crystals on her wounds. Miraculously, they began to heal. From that moment on she made a pledge with herself.

“I will always take the middle path which is not always through the middle door. The good, the bad, the ugly, good, better, best and more. A musical rest is not a knot and not the same as a rest. That’s for sure.”


=================================================

THAT WAS A MUSICAL REST
THANK YOU

I’ll be back with the next instalment in a couple of weeks time.






SWEETNESS and LIGHT

Cynthia was beginning to come to here senses. Why on Earth would her baby want to eat bits of her? The answer is quite simple. The baby was clearly half Earthling and half Alien.

“No wonder I was frightened of his Dad” thought Cynthia “…and yet I loved him. This must mean that aliens can be good and bad just the same as humans can.”

She decided to name her son ‘Dreig’ and tended to her wounds with the snow quartz again. She was sure she would be able to teach him not to eat bits of people. He was young. He would learn.

Dreig was feeling hungry again. It was at least four hours since he had eaten. Obviously his mother had nothing left for him to eat but somehow he felt drawn to her. There was something about her that he missed. Not quite sure what it was he headed back in the direction he had come from. She might be able to help him. Suzie Glassface bumped into him at that precise moment and said: “No, you won’t!”. Dreig totally ignored what Suzie said because he was so incensed!!

better get on with some more work. I'd forgotten about this.

I don't know why I had to remove it. It is SciFi fantasy and certainly not as bad as some sci fi movies I've seen or sci fi computer games for that matter. Never mind.

It may well have been an animal, but did anyone bother to THINK?
Some people did. The vast majority didn't.

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