h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Christopher Columbus - Explorer - Part Two - A1324676
Author: Jodan - The Royal H2G2 Historians Society - A1310149 - U201497

'lo all. This is part of a three part project on Christopher Columbus

Part one - A1308368
Part Three - A1324685

Hi Jodan,

read this with great interest,

I'd make the general comment that, long as it is, you would do well to print it out and give it a thorough proof read. On more than one occasion i felt that the phrasing, though understandable, was rather erratic.

As an example, you refer to a great many proper names (eg boats, people, islands), and sometimes it is confusing *what* the named thing is.

One or two points that specifically need looking at:

"the first European colony in the Americas, named La "

- that sentence seems to have been cut short.



"he hoped that they might be taught Spanish and be used as translators, but Queen Isabella turned it away. This made Isabella upset, and she never supported Columbus quite as readily after this."

- I don't know what you mean here.



"On March 10, 1494 Columbus set sail back for Spain, "

and then - "He could have heard about the voyage of John Cabot in 1497"

- These dates don't seem to gel.



Sorry if that appears negative, I really do think you've done a great piece of work with these three entries, and they will fill a (clearly very large! ) Columbus shaped gap in the EG. I just think they have a feel of 'work in prog' for the time being.

It's not just UG entries that need polishing, sometimes,

cyaround
spiff

>>you would do well to print it out and give it a thorough proof read.

I did, but it turns out the only extended free time I have this week coincided with an important baseball game... so I may have gotten distracted

>>- These dates don't seem to gel.

I'll have to check, but I believe Columbus stayed in Spain for quite some time after that voyage.

As I said on the first entry thread, proofreading was a bit rushed because I wanted to get it into PR by Columbus day

each of the 39 men he had left behind were killed --> all of the 39 men he had left behind were killed

first European colony in the Americas, named La

Not only have you left out the name of the colony, but there seem to be some sentences after this omitted too.

Isabella --> La Isabella

unconscience --> unconscious

Bartholemew --> Bartholomew

outake of gold --> output of gold

Immediately as Columbus returned --> As soon as Columbus returned
or: Immediately on Columbus's return

inprisonment --> imprisonment

news that the famous --> news spread that the famous

Thanks Gnomon. I'm puzzled by those missing sentences... I remember writing them

Anyway, they're all fixed now

Naked

Well, there's still a 'Bartholemew' left and the -ise verbs have AE spelling.

This much for nitpicking and I think sooner or later Sam will tell you the rest about this fine entry!



Bossel

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

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Hmm. Neat

Thanks all.