I'm drivin' down Battlefield Road in my pick-em-up truck...

Church... Chinese Restaurant... Church... Chinese Restaurant... Church... Chinese Restaurant...

The churches are understandable. Springfield, Missouri is not just within the defined perimeter of the Bible Belt, it is also the home of the World Headquarters of the Assemblies of God Church. But what's with all this Cashew Chicken? Oh, well. Grab some grub, pards! If the culinary arts of the most populous nation in the world chime your personal dinner bell, and if you like campin' and huntin' and fishin', then Come On Down!

You don't want to look like a tourist, so try to blend. You'll want a cap with the logo of the world-reknowned Bass Pro Shops, and a Ford Ranger pick-em-up-truck with Yosemite Sam mudflaps that say 'Back Off' If your tailgate has one of those Christian symbol of the fish, well, so much the better.

A certain number of malcontents slap retaliatory bipedal 'Darwin fish' on the backs o' their cars (Geo Metros, as opposed to pick-em-ups, most generally), the Christian response bein' a Darwin fish gettin' swallered up by a larger fish that says 'Truth'.

Now, it's a stereotype that the populace here consists of taciturn shotgun-toting, bible-thumping, corncob-pipe-smoking, banjo-playing Ozark Mountain hillbillies. This is not the case. One reason for coming to Springfield is for the Grad School (Southwest Missouri State University has a notoriously good computer department). And really, it's not a bad town for your college-types.

When students are not busy taping their glasses back together, they like to hang around Bohemian coffee shops downtown, typin' on laptop computers and sluggin' down coffee drinks with names longer'n the British Royal Family's... 'I'll have a Tall Iced Skim Triple Decaf White Chocolate Cafe Mocha, if you please'.

You got your big-screen picture shows, a Symphony Orchestra, parks, theatres, woods, malls, and restaurants... restaurants... restaurants. Never in your life have you seen so many restaurants.

Chinese cuisine is the dominant mode, but you've also got your Thai, Japanese, Italian, Seafood, Indian, Mexican and American.

Just bring your car if you come. Urban Sprawl is spreading throughout the USA, and Springfield is no exception. It once boasted a central downtown, but a couple generations of city planners stretched roads farther and farther southwards, and dealt with the headaches of stringin' supportin' infrastructure, and now the town's about as centralized and cohesive as a trash fire in a dynamite factory.