h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Submarine Combat - A1306045
Author: NuclearConfusion - U232333

Kinda long-ish and probably misunderstood, but dark humor infotainment nonetheless. Knock yourselves out!

NC*

Hey NC!

That's bonkers: I love it.

I agree it's long, but it kept me hooked, although I lost the cave for a while in the middle and only remembered I was meant to be there, sneaking around quietly (with a pager in my pants) when it appeared again.


F/b

Hey thanks, Frenchbean. Glad am I to see it kept your attention. Losing site of the fact you are in a cave I didn't intend, but actually that in itself is analogous to real life. When the hatch goes shut, you can't tell whats going on outside. (unless you are in the Navigation division) For all you know you are still tied up next to the pier with people shaking the boat like a simulator. Maybe I'll find the spot where the cave gets re-mentioned and throw in some witticism. Huh. L8r.

NC*

I found this work fascinating. The technical side alone was worth the read. I have, once, been inside an operational submarine. It was a 1974 built diesel. It was immaculate, spotlessly clean.

This work is heavy on the technical aspects. I want to know more about the people and how they react. That's what sruck me when I visited. I could sense the boat. It was'nt the hardware I was reacting to it was the people's pschic energy. Most were out on leave but you could almost cut the intensity.

I would like this work paced better. Break, pace, human interest, alone then to crewemate etc.

Edited I would use it.

NC:
I went on a nuclear sub once. I'm happy to say it was in dry dock. After an hour and a half's tour, I was more than ready to get back into the real world. And that was despite a couple of drinks in the mess

I went out with a guy who was a Submariner (sub-marin-er in UK) and he said the same as you about not knowing where he was - tied up alongside, under the Polar Icecap or in the Carribean. He was happy not to know. Cos if he was alongside, or in the Carribean, he'd want to be out there. And if he was under the Polar Icecap he'd have the screaming ab-dabs.

What your cave can't get across is the lack of natural light for days / weeks on end, the constant hum (although the pager does well), the lousy food and the stale air (although a large number of bats could help there). But then I guess the entry is about actual combat, and not the long hours of tedium.

I agree with OETZI about the pacing: perhaps greater use of headers, subheaders, lists would help, so that the reader can see the format and shape of the entry at a glance?


F/b

I poked around with header placement, but couldn't really find a good time for one. Any suggestions? Where and what?

Tedium I didn't even want to talk about. When you're going in circles three knots to nowhere, everybody starts calling it Groundhog Day. After the movie. Lousy Food I will contest, though. They kept pretty good care of us out there. Many guys gain weight when they go under. Whatever.

NC*

Eek, that's a week. Bring it on.

Hi Nuke,

I love the idea, and the entry makes a fun read.

I don't think it's likely to get picked for the Edited Guide, though, coz they tend to require a certain 'encyclopoedia' type entry, perhaps more especially in terms of content than style. As long as you're being factual and informative, you are allowed to take a lighter tone than your Encyclo Britannica. You'll get an idea if you look at the Writing-Guidelines. (that should be a link! )

I think this one would probly not fit the criteria, somewhere along the way. As i say, the 'concept' may not be deemed EG material, even though there *is* quite a lot of information in there.

Don't be deterred, though. Leave it in here for others to read, and get a few more opinions - and take mine with a liberal pinch of .

Having said all that, I actually love this piece. A clever, original idea, neatly and engagingly described. . My experience is limited to movies and vid games, but i followed this well, and enjoyed imagining the cave scenario.

I guess praps i'd have toned down the firepower a little (though it works to good comic effect!) - if i wanted to give it a go. Plus i've never been near a cave that would suffice.

If somebody does suggest that this is not suitable for PR, why not chuck it in the alternative review forum, at Writing-Alternative.

Anything goes over there, and this piece would fit right in - well-written if a little off-the-wall, ... that's exactly what the AWW is for!

so, thanks for this,
and all the best with future writings on h2g2

What Spiff said. Had a good laugh and must say you obviously know your stuff (I can tell because radar basically is the same as sonar). However, I'm afraid you're missing the target . Think of the average lay person taken from the street and you'll have the intended reader for the Edited Guide. Without a proper intro and perhaps a couple more dry facts, they wouldn't get the metaphors and drift away. There's nothing against humour and 'infotainment' is right what I'd like to find, but IMHO you're somewhat overdoing the 'tainment' part at the expense of the 'info' bit. All I'd like to suggest throwing in some more prosaic paragraphs, and that should be it



Bossel

Great read, I have two suggestions if you like;

1.) In the equipment list you might add the comment that if you are tempted to substitute a less lethal weapon, such as a paint-ball gun, don't bother - submarine combat is not for you.

2.) Before entering he cave the second person should pull a secret slip from a hat telling them how long to wait until they enter the cave with choices ranging from 5 minutes to 50 years. If person one fires all his "fish" at bats and echos it will change the odds considerably.

Just my

F S

Thankyou, one and all to date. I am slowly working towards a revision session, in between attempts to fix my car. ...Have it fixed. Not the point.

As for the Wereshark #2 suggestion, I may get something in to the effect, but wanted to avoid any aspect of tedium the crew always faces. In effect this is a 'Hollywood' entry, just the fast bits of the story, even though that idea is partially what I am writing against. ...whatever, the journey continues. Keep the ideas coming, all.

"No Stairway! Denied!"
Random quote guild

hi Nuke, you still thinking about doing something with this? It's slowly drifting towards the PR sea-bed, so I thought i'd bring 'er up to periscope depth,

I still think you'd be best off making this an out-and-out non-EG piece and submitting it to the AWW...

It's PD! Didn't you learn anything?!? Kidding. Yeah, I haven't done anything with it for .. however long it's been, so how can I shift it to the AWW, whatever that may be...?

hiya,

the AWW is another feedback forum for entries that are not destined for the edited guide, for whatever reason - Writing-Alternative.

If you go to the main PR page, where you can see the list of entries in PR, you should see a little cross next to your entry. Clicking on the cross removes the entry from PR (NB - it doesn't delete it or do anything to the entry at all)

Then you go to the entry itself, click on 'Submit for review', and choose the Alternative Writing Workshop from the list.

The AWW works on a similar basis to PR, but is not so much a selection process as a feedback forum. This has changed recently, with the creation of the 'Underguide' - some of the best entries from the AWW (and elsewhere) are picked and 'polished' (like sub-editing) and showcased once a week on the front page.

Whether you hope this piece to go into the UG or not, AWW is probly the place for it.

Having said all that, if you really want to get an entry through PR and into the EG, you might consider creating a new entry on submarine warfare and using lots of the more technical/factual parts of this text as your starting point.

just my thoughts
spiff

Right on. It will be coming, directly.