h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

wrong, rubber chickens are useful for a good deal of things
One of which is: They make a great implement in which to slap people with. Say someone holds you up in the street, you whip out your rubber chicken and persistently slap the offender with it, causing a rather amusing fwop fwop sound which alerts passers by of your stress and draws them to your aid.

Much more useful if it's a Rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle.