h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just to see if any other people have family as daft as mine and to see if I can start a decent conversation, your quotes please - here are mine.

My Nan-
On being told Stoke On Trent has a very low quality of life - "so why is it so depraved?"

On being told slums near a friends condominium in Malaysia were being cleared - "so they can build some more condoms?"

On being offerred Chinese take-away - "None of that foriegn muck for me, I'll just have a Lasagne."

On being asked to admire my Mum's outfit for a family evening out - "Oh, so I'm over-dressed then"

And My Mum wondered if the band at a Greek wedding played "Bazookas"

Plenty more if I think about it and probably some from me too...

My brother in law complained a while ago that there are too many erotic drivers on the roads!

Also, according to him, he lives in a "Conversation area"...

I'm forever using the wrong words for things, especially since I was told I was being told I was too vague say things like 'Can you get me a thingy from the doobry on the whatsit?'

Recent conversations have been,

'Have we got any charged Xbox batteries, Mags?'
'Yeah, there's one over there on the window sill' (I meant the mantelpiece)

Son hands hubby an empty sweet wrapper while he's driving 'Well, at least he didn't leave it on the back door step' I meant the back seat of the car.

And a classic. One of the cats had knocked over a pot of cocktail sticks, my son stood on one and was crying in pain. 'Quick, mum I need a spider...er...I mean a plaster' We all now use spiders.

Hubby is now threatening to label everything.

See? I can't even make sense when I use preview?

Any grasshopper used to be a 'What Katy Did'
(from a crossword puzzle clue that Mum got right & we didn't believe).

New one from my Nan today on a familiar theme.

Mum: 'I bumped into AB today' (AB is an old friend who came into money and is now rather up herself.)
Nan: 'What were you wearing?'
Mum: 'This'
Nan: 'Oh, I am sorry.'