h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am a firm advocate of this theory - first put forward by The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Louis de Broglie.

Cheese exists in many forms, as we know. However, in most cases we see but a cross section of cheese, as it enters the x,y and z axis, rather than hiding in the 'v' axis. So, we are in fact seeing only a small amount of the cheese that surrounds us.

There is an unavoidable link between our very existance and this 'hidden cheese'. However, most conventional theorists believe that everything must be either 'reality' or 'hidden cheese'. In fact The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Louis de Broglie suggests that everything exists as both, depending on how you observe it. He even goes so far as to say that it could be that everything is reality - with 'guiding cheese', keeping it going. In that way matter could exist as both.

This leads to many interesting questions. What happens if you eat cheese, that then slips into a fourth dimensional state? I can only offer a hypothesis, but prehaps this would allow a small wormhole through the fourth dimension to open in your stomach. Therefore, any food eaten AFTER the state-slipping cheese would fall through the hole, allowing you to enjoy the food, without putting on weight. Dieting of the future????!!!!!! Surely this means that fourth spatial dimensional cheese needs to be researched. Whoever unlocks the secret of the cheese unlocks the secret of unimaginable wealth......

Here at Cheese Researching Ltd we are well aware of the multidimensional properties of cheese.
It may interest you that Gordonzola has proven to be capable of interdimensional quafilphping-pong substancestitating. This fascinating process results in Gordonzola gaining density while ageing. Well matured Gordonzola has proved to increase in mass by up to 500%.
Our other research areas include Edamer Topography, Stilton Life And Intelligence, and Emmental hyperspatial hole processing.

If cheese is an object of power which can create wormholes, cause gravitational changes and generally be threat to the people of Earth, why can I go down the shops and buy it and use it srtaight away? Some people may think me mad for saying tea causes rifts in space but that is due to them not reading my page becuase, although considered by some people good, it is not written by a very good author. And if cheese is worthy of so much interest why the hell does no one find out what is in cheese and onion crisps that make them so rubbish (even walkers changing there colour can not save them from tasting bad).

The real power of cheese comes not from it's chemical properties but it's colour which would explain the constant references to cheese in alternative comedy. The same is true of bananas, custard and lemons, all of which have huge cult followings and gods named after them (except custard which doesn't deserve a god).

i've always thought so, i have a yellow teapot which has many supernatural properties. For example when you rub it a scone comes out and grants you three fishes
Cheese is obviosly the key to all things. Ask anyone.

Did I leave my glasses here?

I don't think so...
*Peregrin discreetly hides the broken glasses that he sat on by mistake*

Cheese, as we see it, is essentially bad. Therefore, it must be spanked! You must spank your own cheese! We know this to be true.