h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

you think *you* were worried - Everyone here thinks we came through it quite well. Isn't that so chaps? no shouting from the back - form an orderly line, that's it, no pushing Frank! More tea vicar? Don't mind if I do. What?

Y'know reading back through this I just get visions of Arthur and X stopping mid fight to talk about St Patrick's Day, I don't know why.

Right now you've done it. I'm now going to write a spin off story based on that!

I'm curious to know what triggered that but hey - I look forward to reading it.

I realised that the dialogue I wrote is okay-ish but it is missing a bit of exposition for it to sit inside. some pondering still to do.....

I've also still got to write Grobsvaughn's return from 'upside-down' training, meeting Sreka, Daltmoreby etc., as well as Annabell's igniting the countdown.


I've already got an idea for the launch - having the rocket buffeted by gales as it exits the volcano dome - watched by huddles of penguins as it ascends - and vanishing through a spectacular display of the Southern Lights...

P.S Welcome back HPB.

Thenkkew. Can I get a recap on who Grobsvaughn is please? Read the last few pages and I almost good to do something.

Grobsvaughn appears in two chapters so far. He's our common-or-garden variety- CoTDP follower.

Charged with a special mission (piloting the shuttle) he is looking for guidance from occult lore: A13764918

Grobsvaugn has a mentor, who is seing him through his 'upside-down' training in preparation of being the cut's first cosmonaught. A13819016

Incidentally - how's this? - The blindfold the old man give him, I figured could be Grobsvaughn's downfall. He asks Daltmooreby, as they are going up through the atmosphere to put the blindfold on him because he can't bear to see the surface. Daltmooreby consents and goes behind him to place it around his eyes as one might prepare a bow tie around someone's neck - except Daltmooreby slips it into a garrot and chokes Grobsvaughn into unconsciousness (but not killing him.)

When the laser ultimately explodes Grobsvaughn is killed, but his spiritual leanings pay off, and his soul is weighed for misconduct against a feather on a set of scales by The Egyptian God Thoth (who we allied with The Cult mythos very early on) and Grobsvaughn gets his just reward for being sacrificed in this way and beign generally rather helpful and inoffensive.

anyway - that's yer lot- I'm off to bed, work on the morrow...

A father caught his son by the shoulders and hissed for him to keep quiet as Ody and Jamila walked their way arm-in-arm through the milling crowd as casually as possible across the marble floor.
She caught the lonely smile from her friend eyeing the parent and child, and gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder changing Ody's face to one of gratitude when he turned to look at her.
It felt the enormous reception room for the Cult's dedicated followers was being contained rather than protected with the obvious guard presence dotted about. It was now clear their mood had shifted to one of crowd control.

"At least they're not looking for us," he murmered, watching a guard marching past.

"Not us specifically anyway." Jamila agreed.

That allowed them to relax slightly. Posing as a newly wed couple that had been thrilled that their honeymoon coincided with THE most important day in Cult history they had jumped from alcove to alcove looking to vent the excitement in the air with some alone time. All with the goal of heading toward the multitude of station doors. Fortunately they were simply shooed away with a wink by a 'knowing' guard when they'd discovered the entrances were now in lockdown. Made sense, after all, why would they want to leave when the moment they'd all been waiting for, sister and brother alike, was close at hand?

Now the pair stopped at a square pillar with a map on top telling them that 'They Were HERE' complete with crimson arrow pointing to their location. Jamila released herself from Ody's grip and jogged up to it.

"You can't expect them to have anything there they don't want Joe Cultist to know." Ody informed her as he stepped beside her.

"Not necessarily," Jamila playfully pointed her finger at what looked like a private spot for the 'couple' while scanning the sides and lowered her voice. "See they've just greyed out what we aren't supposed to know about. That's where the cells were, and that looks like the entrance we all came in, there's a rail network..."

"Which is blocked. It's not a full map anyway, it's just here and a few connecting rooms."

"But it narrows down our choices."

"I /liked/ having choices--" He began to protest playfully but a figure walked toward and past them with authority as another caught up carrying a clipboard.

"...rybody punched in?" One said, looking around carefully but seeing only eager followers going about their business.

"Not all." Said the Clipboard. "Obviously the last minute assignments have knocked the schedule outta whack and... unstable societal changes." She glanced at sheets from the board. "Sanaá, Brasília, Casablanca is voided pending review... Takamatsu aaand... Washington DC of course."

"Of course." The other murmured. "Reroute all professional rail lines to..." He took the clipboard and scanned, pausing only to let past some clumsy couple. "Substation Digamma. No need for excess energy waste. Just..." The lights started to dim overhead and the room started to silence. "Just make sure it's secure." He thrust the pad back to its owner and hurried away. "And clear." The Cultist yelled back as an afterthought.

Clipboard waved him away and watched as the screen lowered over the northside wall and the Grand Master appeared for the first time to many. The huddled masses stood with pride expecting a loud evangelistic proclaimation. They got a conference call instead.

- I was wondering what was happening to them.

Substation Digamma eh? interesting......

"I'm curious to know what triggered that"

No one appreciates quite how mad I am I have no idea why HPB... or the Witchsmeller Pursuivant... said that, but I've been itching to do some sort of unofficial spin off of the Story Time series... either in the forum format like this, or just off my own back...

Nonsense! We appreciate your maddness - we wouldn't be where we are without it.




A spin-off...could be interesting. Stockholm 1997?

I'll have a think about doing some more to this, this evening.

Hows this for an opening idea for the spin off...



Principle characters

The Policeman


Died : October 2001

Status : Undead.

Plot : how the giant policeman was connected to the start of Bob and Jill’s initial adventure… how he is connected to the dying pilchard under the turquoise moon cult… how it is connected to the legions of the dead…and Arthur and X stopping mid fight to talk about St Patrick's Day.


The story :

Like all good horror stories this began in a castle. It was unfortunately unlike most horror stories in that it started on a bouncy castle. However it was empty apart from one stray child who had managed to get on it. The bouncy castle was on the grounds of an old peoples home. Someone in their lack of wisdom had decided that it would be a good idea to book a fun event for the old age pensioners… an event involving a bouncy castle. Tragically the only person getting any enjoyment out of the event was the young child who had managed to get lost. This child was sinister… well to the pensioners anyway…

But Gary wasn’t bothered. He was too busy trying to move Mrs Peddington to the refreshments table. Gary had worked at the old peoples home for the last three months and there was very little he considered sinister about it … until this morning.

As he was walking in this morning he had a strange experience. Sometimes strange experiences involve a jar of pickles, a laboratory mouse and the four horsemen of the apocalypse… but in this instance it involved a policeman. As many young people are required to do in these circumstances, when Gary saw a policeman, looking particularly pale, standing in an alleyway that he was about to cross, he looked away as he passed him. But as he passed the policeman, the policeman said “I'm going to get you”. Gary immediately turned around, when he found that the policeman was no longer there. He looked around, but couldn’t find him.

This was on Gary’s mind as he gave Mrs Peddington her early afternoon tea.

I'd never even considered how the policeman got there.

Also since we know now that Jill is in fact an Agent - what was she doing with Bob in the first instance?

Ideas are forming and locking in to place... This is going to be a bit epic, as is par for the course in my stories...

My only concern is stepping on your toes Clive. Is there anything or anyone you really really need me to stay clear of for the next part? I'll invent and elaborate enough of my own characters, but is there anything that would really get in your way?

Well no not really -but if your interested in having everything tie up I suppose it's worth re-emphasising narrative consistency.

For instance nothing is said, I believe, about how Bob and Jill meet. That's completely open, however, Arthur and X are, if memory serves, introduced disguised as cactuses on soe stake out in a desert someplace.

Why are they there? These things are not elaborated on - but it'd make no sense to have them both be somewhere else like London in your story or unless you ultimately intend to explain why they are dressed up as cactuss and staking out a lonely stretch of desert.

UPS Guy arrives with the dead fish - Why? What precipitates his involvement? There's plenty there to be cracked open if you choose to. (incidentally it's not *until* UPS Guy turns up that the combined efforts of many writers start to behave in a cooperative manner. so the opening bits of ST1 are rather nonsensical and revolve around changing Jill's hair colour if I recall correctly....

You might even want to elaborate on the battle between Boutros and Leicester atop the Leamington Spa Hydo-electric dam (before you ask, no it hasn't actually got one ) that claimed Boutros's body, I thinkw e intimated Leicester won and thre Boutros into the water, Guy rescued him but the equivilant of frsotbite claiemd everythign below the neck.

A669783

might help.

Right - time to expend some brain power on finishing off the last bit I started (and thanks to HPB for writing that bit with Ody and Jamila)

The next part of the chapter with that started with Sreka and Daltmooreby on their way to the shuttle, I intend it to slot in just before HPB's Ody and jamila sequence - just as Annabel emerges to address the crowds.


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The Grand Master waited impatiently in the control room, tapping a severe stiletto heel on the chilly metal grating, the tinny metallic dinging, signifying to all that were present, that her patience was wearing out. Her arms were folded across her torso and she wore a deep look of concern on her face, staring out of the window across the huge dark cavern.

"Have they finished?" she barked suddenly at some random member of the technical team who had blithely wandered within her frosty orbit.

"Still - we are still waiting Grand Master." the occultists stammered gently.

"How long does it take to complete a safety check? It's not rocket science!"

"er...actually it is your eminence...your um..grace." the same occultists replied without thinking before gulping down a huge quntity of air as he realised belatedly that the entire room had suddenly fallen silent for him.

Annabel had stopped taping, she turned slowly to face him.

His eyes widened in horror.

"Yes...I suppose it is." she admitted with what appeared to be good humour.

He remembered to breath.

A commotion at the door and three technicians appeared conversing amiably and stopped abruptly when they saw The Grand Master already waiting for their report on the raised gantry of the control Room. Their surprise was reminiscent of the look of shock of someone undergoing a fatal heart attack: Death is always waiting for you ultimately - it's always a surprise when you discover it was waiting for you wherever you happen to be.

"Deliver your report!" she demanded, palcing both hands on a rail and leanign forward testily.

The lead technician stepped cautiously forward: "Everything looks good Grand Master. Just give the word."

"Excellent." Annabell beamed, "Start the clock and light her up."

A hand was raised, and a button depressed. Down in the Cavern, which had already started to fill up with people awaiting the spectacular event, a large digital clock illuminated T - 45 MINS in ominous red digits.

Large hallogeon bulbs thundered on, illuminating a pathway across the cavern floor; giant Hollywood spotlights errupted into collumns of light, turning about wildly until they settled on the gigantic sides of the space shuttle and the towering scaffold that held it upright and fed it the fuel and internal atmosphere. Lights on the scaffold flashed on segment by segment up the length of the tower until the entire structure was illuminated and the rocket stood proud in the middle, directly beneath the conical dome of the hollow volcano.

The crowd went nuts.

The din of their joy was heard even in the control room.

"The people are pleased your majesty" someone remarked.

"Of course they are. And now to capitalise on that fact...."

And she left in a flurry of robes and headed for the speaking gallery that protruded in front of the VIPs balcony beneath the control room.

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