h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why are you here? What are you doing in my bathroom?

*Looking mortified...*

I...uh...welll...um...I wanted to use the loo...and ...uh...well...there was all this moaning and....uh...maybe I'll just....um...well...um...er...

*backing nervously away...*

Just Go! *sobs* Nobody ever stays around! I'm always alone! *sobs and screams*

*Alarmed*

Hey! Well...look, I'll make a deal with ya, stop crying and, *longish pause*...we'll...*longer pause*...um...*finishes a little lamely*...chat?

*Tries to look reassuring and friendly*

*screams* GO AWAY!!!! *turns on all the sinks to start a flood* I DON'T WANT TO CHAT!!!

Look theres no need to be huffy. You started moaning cos you was all alone and the minute someone tries to be friendy you go in an almighty cream puff.

*Looking at flooded floor*

How'd all these fish get in here?

*Screams again* DON'T ASK QUESTIONS! GO AWAY!! I WANT YOU TO LEAVE!!!

Allright, allright, keep your shirt on. No wonder you're so miserable with all these fish around, I'm not going till I put them back down the loo at least, not unless you want ghostly fins flapping about to keep you company...sheesh.

*After five mins the fish are swimming merrily at the bottom of a toilet*

Right then, I'd like to say it was a pleasure meeting you...

*Backs out of door shaking head*

Maybe we'll chat another time, eh?

*waves cheerily with a cheesy grin*

*the flood waters are still gaining* GOOD RIDDANCE!

*Pops head round door*

Sorry? Didn't catch that!

*Said with infuriatingly cheerfulness*

*enters the door, not realizing that Kreetch is even there*

Hurry Lily!

*looks into a mirror on the wall, completely ignoring Kreetch and Myrtle*

*pushes past Kreetch and follows Kleopatra right up to the mirror*

I'm here! Is this where you want to talk?

Yes, This is where I wanted to talk.

*holds up the letter*

This letter is from my mum. She has important news she said I must share with you.

Well, what is it? Don't keep me in suspense.

*struggles to read the letter, but realizes that its in a coded language*

Hey! Why can't I read that?

*puts a finger over her lips to Kreetch as a 'Keep Quiet' symbol*

*goes invisible and hovers in the air over the two Hufflepuffs*

*doesn't evern realize that Myrtle is there*

That's because the letter is in a secret code that my mom and I share. We use it when writing to each other when there are things that we don't want anyone else knowing. She told me that it'd be okay if I told you what I am about to tell you about Kiro Yukai because your father's in the Ministry as well. I learned something about Kiro...

What about Kiro Yukai? Tell me. Why did you stop?

Kiro Yukai's parents were Death Eaters. My mom told me that he might be bad news.. But I can't help liking him. I thought you might be the only one who could understand. My mom said that the people at the orphanage were told that his parents were killed by Death Eaters and weren't actually Death Eaters themselves.

So?! His parents were Death-Eaters, no big deal! Lots of people who had Death-Eaters lived on to have completely normal lives. I think you're overreacting. Both you and your mom. Now, when are you two going to start dating?

I guess you're right about his parents. Just because they were, doesn't mean... Hey! What do you mean 'When are we going to start dating?'