The dictionary is something that most of us rely on.

Every word of knowledge ever written in our language and many others are contained within its valuable pages. We draw on its resources when we need words to baffle and confound or we just need a meaning.

The dictionary is a valuable resource used by many worldwide; television shows such as 'Countdown' and 'Call My Bluff' rely heavily on it. But some definitions many of us feel could be better, or different. Here are a few I have picked up over my time.

• Adult:
  
  A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing
  in the middle.

• Beauty Parlour:
  
  A place where people curl up and dye.

• Cannibal:
  
  Someone who is fed up with people.

• Committee:
  
  A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

• Dust:
  
  Mud with the juice squeezed out.

• Egotist:
  
  Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

• Gossip:
  
  A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

• Handkerchief:
  
  Cold Storage.

• Inflation:
  
  Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

• Myth:
  
  A female moth.

• Mosquito:
  
  An insect that makes you like flies better.

• Raisin:
  
  Grape with sunburn.

• Secret:
  
  Something you tell to one person at a time.

• Skeleton:
  
  A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

• Toothache:
  
  The pain that drives you to extraction.

• Tomorrow:
  
  One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

• Yawn:
  
  An honest opinion openly expressed.

• Wrinkles:
  
  Something other people have. You have character lines.

The dictionary people have never found time to review this case, shame really. A book with no storyline really could do with some brightening up!

Parkin With Zarkin Archive

Zarkin Fardwarks

24.07.03 Front Page

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