Thinking about God...

Okay, deep breath in...

If anyone's looked through some of the conversations I've been involved in here on h2g2, then you've probably seen I'm gradually becoming more and more inclined to the idea of God.

Yes, I'm as stunned as anyone else! I've never thought of myself as religious; none of my immediate family is religious or even slightly spiritual, and yet I was always curious about it.

My now-ex boyfriend, who I met through work, is a Christian and we often had chats about the subject. A couple of other people, who started at the same time as me, are also Christians and, as my relationship with my boyfriend developed, I started questioning them as well. After all, they're intelligent people; why believe in the existence of some omnipotent being? What kind of proof was there? What's all this God stuff about anyway?

After one round of questioning a friend said her church was doing an Alpha course, and did I want to go? I thought about it, and decided I might as well; it would hopefully answer some of my questions and help clear up any mysteries (to me) about my boyfriend's worldview. I couldn't lose anything from doing it, so why not?

As the course has progressed, I've found myself becoming more and more in favour of there being a God.

A number of things have happened, but I'll only go into detail on one of them here, as this is the most concrete thing to have happened.

As part of the Alpha course we looked at "Does God heal today?" One of the Christians on the course stood up and said that God had been telling him that someone here had a sore shoulder that had been giving them trouble for some time, and he asked if that was me, and if it was my right shoulder.

I have a sore right shoulder, caused from injuries sustained in a couple of car crashes 9 years ago; nothing too serious but enough to put a dent in whatever I want to do. I don't have full movement in it and it was a bit weaker than my left shoulder. Because of all the muscular scar tissue in the area, the nerves controlling sensation in my hands were affected and as a result, I don't have full feeling in my right hand. I couldn't drive vehicles without power steering, as I didn't have the shoulder strength or gripping capability needed.

I've had three intensive courses of physiotherapy at various times; plus various creams, tablets and massages, and none of them have worked much relief. But generally the only effect on my day-to-day life was a nagging pain and a numb hand.

I hadn't told anyone at the course about my shoulder or the lack of feeling. They also didn't know anyone who could have told them about it. That said, they could have guessed through body language, although after so long I'm good at hiding the fact that my shoulder was duff.

I told them the above, and they offered to pray for me to be healed. I thought "why not?" and agreed.

As they prayed I felt warmth throughout my shoulder, and then I felt a cool tingling around where the nerves had been compressed, which then spread down to my hand. I could almost feel the muscles loosening up as they prayed.

I tested the movement and it now matches my left shoulder. The feeling in my right hand has returned to 95%, after running at less than 70% for many years, and is continuing to improve. The knot of muscle and scar tissue at the junction of my neck and shoulder, which has been sore and solid since the accident, is loosening more and more daily.

I simply cannot explain what happened in conventional terms. My shoulder hasn't felt this good for 9 years, not even after my last bout of physiotherapy last year. And while I'm aware of the benefits of positive thought, I doubt that positive thought alone could do this in barely 15 minutes. I'm just thanking God for coming and healing me!

This is my case, although it's probably not well stated. So many other things have happened, most of which are quite incredible, that I can't list them all here!

Obstacles to Faith

The biggest obstacle, to me, was Creationism. I'm an engineer; I've been trained to look at the world a certain way, to look for evidence and proof rather than be happy with faith. Yet I'm increasingly of the belief that God did create the world.

People have stated evolution as one of the key things that disproves God's existence. But I've been finding flaws in it.

God is omnipotent; therefore he is in overall control of the whole world.

He created the world, the plants and animals to be a self-sustained ecosystem.

Plants and animals are all, according to the Evolution camp, adapting to the environments. The ones that don't adapt adequately die.

It is said by Creationists that if God created all things, then how can we be finding proof that life forms have evolved over time? There is a large body of evidence which shows that animals have evolved; Darwin's work on the flora and fauna of the Galapagos Islands is only part of it.

But how do they start adapting? Why do they change? Come to think of it, how come so many diverse things appear to have grown from the first amoebas? What made those first strands of DNA begin mutating into the many wonderful forms of life which surround us today?

Who says God didn't prompt it?

And then there's the making of the world in seven days. Who says a day to God is like a day to us? I remember reading an article stating that there have been seven ages since the world came into being, and that each age was a similar length. Some things in the Bible try and explain an ineffable truth using human words, and it isn't easy even for us today to try and explain about the world using simple language. We are forced to resort to similes and metaphors to try and illustrate our point.

Free Will

I don't think I can cover free will here; after all, philosophers have argued about this one for hundreds, if not thousands, of years and I doubt I can say anything that hasn't already been covered. I can give my perspective, and that's all.

God has a plan for the world, for the human race and for us as individuals. However, He can't force us to do what He wants, hence the element of free will. We don't automatically assume that there is a God and a Devil; some people reject these things outright. God wants us to approach Him through our own urges; He may create circumstances to make you think about Him, but He can't force you to believe.

Therefore, when you do believe in Him, you willingly give your life to him and let His will rule in your life because you want that. I'm still struggling through this one but I'll get there in the end!

And then there's the old chestnut; how can a God of love allow all the suffering in the world?

I can't answer this one yet. Sometimes suffering is needed to make us grow, or to point us in the right direction. But what about all the children that get kidnapped in Uganda by the rebels, and forced to do unspeakable things? What have they done wrong? I can't say for certain, and I wish I could. I don't like it any more than anyone else.