Auction: Lot No. 42: Bed
Created | Updated Aug 5, 2003
Lovely huge antique bed (dimensions 2.743m high by 1.828m wide).
The mattress, similarly uniquely-sized, is exquisitely soft, evidently stuffed with the plumage of as many as forty large, long-necked web-footed fowl, and upholstered in enough cloth for a dozen Robbie Coltraine suits.
Needs some care and restoration. Well-slept in, perhaps even lived in, apparently by a large family all at once. Not recently used however and now covered in cobwebs, underneath which it is evident that the upholstery is soiled with multifarious residue including unconsumed comestible products e.g., inter alia fowl-pie, cured porcine flesh, bread crumbs and butter stains, as well as the detritus of well-spat chewin' tobacco.
Evidence of bestial denudation, explicitly canine and porcine in origin, is suggestive of imaginative nocturnal activity. Certainly, undisputable tell-tale 'clouds' on the mattress indicate that this piece of furniture witnessed at least one consummation. We can only assume that it was with the gal from down the lane and not with any of the livestock from the shed.
Vendor: J Denver, Rocky Mountain High, Colorado
Contact: Montague Trout,
Trout, Trout, Old Spice and Trout,
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