As some of you may know, here at the Post we have a certain regard for the gripping TV thriller serial 24, currently nearing the end of its second series on the BBC. Such is our admiration that not long ago a crack team of Posties broke into the show's production
offices in search of useful gossip, the script for the season finale, and vanilla donuts (some things never change).

We knew the makers of the show were dedicated to making it as realistic as possible (no, seriously), but even we were surprised when we came across the following – detailed horoscopes for the day of the series, for most of the major characters! Unfortunately the documents we have don't say which horoscope is for which character, but dedicated watchers of the show should be able to work it out...

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'Your irritating halfwit of a son will come to visit you. It may seem like everyone is out to get you. This is because everyone is out to get you. Think carefully before starting any major intercontinental wars. If you're feeling stressed, why not have a work colleague's head
defibrillated? Time to pack in the marriage guidance, some things just ain't fixable.'

'Your plans for a quiet day walking the grass and mowing the dog will come to nothing. However, exciting opportunities to indulge in old pastimes such as skydiving, getting into gunfights, hacking open corpses, and murdering people then sawing off their heads are bound
to come your way. Today you will feel on top of the world and no matter what bumps, scrapes, and serious injuries you pick up, twenty minutes later it will be as if nothing has happened. Watch out for people who may try to torture you to death.'

'A day of mixed fortunes work-wise. A secret admirer will reveal themselves, leading to improbable and passionate romance, and you will finally get that promotion you so richly deserve. On the other hand, your office will be blown up with you still inside it, and you will be beaten up by a fat older man and have to spend the rest of the season hobbling round on crutches. Consider investing in an eye-patch and a parrot.'

'You will have really excellent hair. This will be your only good fortune as absolutely everyone else you meet today will try to intimidate you, arrest you, kill you, or hold you captive in their home-made nuclear fall-out shelter. Plus you will be chased around by a lion. Even that kickboxing record producer boyfriend you picked up between series will chuck you after his leg falls off (it won't even be your fault). PS We weren't joking about the lion.'

'You will have really extremely excellent hair. A family wedding will not go quite as planned, due to poor communication with the caterers, a mix-up with the florists, and the bride revealing herself to be an Islamic terrorist and putting a bullet in the groom. You will be much in demand today and should remain open to new experiences such as visiting the holy places of other religions, seeing acquaintances murdered in front of you, and getting into a gun battle with a dozen heavily armed commandos. You shouldn't have paid to have your ears
pierced.'

'You will get a lethal dose of radiation poisoning and croak in episode 15. That expensive foreign holiday you booked was a waste of money after all.'

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