h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Location: the outer asteroid field of the Aldebaran system. The Aldebaran system has six planets, three desert (Aldebaran 1, 2, and 3), two earth-class (4 and 5), and one gas giant. There are two asteroid fields, one between aldebaran 5 and six and the other within the orbit of Aldebaran 1.

Background: phazon, a valuable poison with mutagenic properties, has been traced to the outer asteroid field. The space pirates have begun minig it for use in hideous research. It is our mission to liberate it from them in order to do as we wish. A lot of people will pay a lot of money for even a gramme of phazon, and the pirates have several tonnes on their minig frigate which this mission is to take over. The space pirates encompass many races, but their traditions are frequently disrespectd and pirates have no honour, so beware of any deals you make with them.

I will be carrying the following weapons and items: plasma autorifle with enhanced themral shielding, caster with four no. 13 shells plus 46 no. 20s, 2 zet-nikotels (ZATs), 2 Colt 1911 automatic pistols, AK 47, 10 proton grenades, missile launcher.

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*Crouches inside the docking bay and waits for backup.*

*Beam's in beside Hussassin*

Hey I got the mayday what's up

1 Nogri sniper rifle, 2 dueling pistols, Mandalorian armor (and all that entails), 2 Zat pistols

*with a flash of Asgard teleporters, HDS arrives next to Reefgirl*

Hiya, how we doin?

*beams aboard, wearing chozo battle armor eequipped with a prototype phazon beam*

"I might be able to get close, I "Liberated" my ship from space pirates during Samus' Tallon IV raid. So they might think I'm one of them."

*Having become suddenly very board, HDS slowly creeps to the side of the crate he's hiding behind and stretches his arms outward, holding his gun in such a way as that the barrel is pointing at the chest of an unsuspecting gaurd. Using the scump link that wirelesly transmits what the scope sees to the HUD in HDS's helmet, HDS aims the Nogri rifle at the guard's heart and pulls the trigger, the gun rocks slightly in HDS's grip as the invisable blaster bolt silently vaporizes the guard's heart. With a heavy thud, the guard hits the ground.*

Gettin a little boring in here isn't it?

*with that, HDS puts the rifle back on his back pack, gets up, grabs the dead guard by the feet, and drags him behind the crate. HDS strips the guard of his uniform and any possessions and equipment that might be useful, then vapes him with a triple Zat blast*

we've got the hold all to ourselves. Should we steal and sell the ship this time as well, or just the Phazon?

I say sell the ship or better still strip it and sell the parts we'll get more money that way

That's precisely what I was thinking. *Gets up from behind crate and vaporises a few pirates that had just come through the door with his plasma rifle.*

*Hit's a few more with the lump of wood that fell off the packing crates*

I thought you might

Now what

I''l take the bridge. Kiro get the engines, Reefgirl the cargo bay, HDS the armoury. OK?

Right

*Picks up Zat gun and wood and tiptoes off to the cargo deck*

takes to engineering, and switches his gun from Phazon mode to plasma cannon.

*Tiptoes into the cargo hold, hearing sounds coming from the 'gents' melts lock on door and starts to tap into the inventary*

Hmmmm interesting

Ooh I need one of those

Nah

Nah not fetching much on the black market these days

Hmm I'll have to radio to the others and see what they want and see what can go to the black market

Pretty much everything can be sold on the black market

*Bursts through door to bridge and slaughters the crew in a horrible bloody massacre, except a few, who require the caster.*

The bridge is ours! I'll reprogram the gun turrets to shoot at pirates.

Right I've made an inventory of all the cargo, all the guards are incapacitated (locked in the loo and drugged) I'm on my way up to you

*HDS taps his belt buckle, a hologram of nothing covers HDS and he is unseeable. HDS slinks off to the armory. Upon arriving at the armory, HDS puts little holo-projectors all over the place so that the guns he is about to swipe will all appear to still be there. having done this, HDS taps a button on his left wrist gauntlet, and the Asgard teleporters teleport all the guns, ammunition, and basically everything but HDS, the holoprojectors, and the gun racks. With that, HDS puts a microwave sentry gun on a shelf just behind the door, sets it to the highest setting, presses the little cloaking button, and leaves, allowing the sentry gun its 10 second start up time before it kills anything that strays into the room*

*HDS rejoins Reefgirl*

The armory is good and empty now

Oooohh how much time have we got

All the time in the world, now we control the ship. If you come up here, there's a lovely view of Andromeda.

Hmmfph Spoilsport

(In the Engineering Bay)

Kiro busts open the door and Ice-spreaders the Hell out of the bay, but keeps the core intact. then walks out.

Reefgirl, how am I a spoilsport?

Kiro, nice work.