In Other Words
Created | Updated Oct 10, 2003
Ok, Checklist! Broom: Check. Twenty dollars: Check. Bottlecap glasses: Check. Scar: Check.
It's time, lads and ladies! The moment we've all been waiting for! NO, not peace on Earth! Who'd want THAT?! I'm talking about Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix! Better known as Harry Potter and the dictionary-size book that kids aren't going to be brutally forced to read. Driving to Wal-Mart at 11:00 at night to get the book by midnight. *sniff* Oh man! It's like Christmas! ONLY BETTER!! I was absolutely, over-the-top, SOO excited I could barely STAND IT! I couldn't eat... I couldn't sleep... All I did was sit on my bed rocking back and forth muttering
'Harrypotterharrypotterharrypotterharrypotter' and then randomly passing out.
I've been a big fan of the ol' HP ever since the first book came out1, so this fifth book is a pivotal part of my existence! I've been reading the online rumours...
- 'Ron joins the Quidditch team!
- 'Harry contracts an STD'
- 'Hermione starts acting 'cranky' and 'moody' for about 5-7 days every month.
Harry and Ron JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY!'
But I had to learn to filter out fact from fiction. After all, I can't believe everything I read on the internet2.
So here was my Harry Potter itinerary. 10:20 p.m. Fri. June 20, decide at the last minute that I'm going to get the book at midnight instead of the following morning. Drive to Wal-Mart and arrive at 11:00. Stand around for a while, realizing that no
one else is there - yet. 11:30, the people start crowding in. Angry mobs break out. I have a bloody all-out war with six and seven year olds3 over a copy of the book. You know the type of people I speak of: dawning fake glasses and an eye-liner scar, they stare you down as you stand in line. You
know they're thinking, 'Do it. I dare you. Try to budge me.' And that's just the children. The parents are far more aggressive. Grabbing books and tossing them to spouses halfway across the store, then tossing the snarling children. I mean after all, the safety of
the book comes first. They double back, push through the defensive line, twenty, ten, AND TOUCHDOWN! You know when they get home there's going to be an all-out war over who reads it first. 'What do you MEAN, you liked Harry Potter first?! I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!'
Anyway, I clutch the book with all my might, squeezing the magical life out of it and run out of the store, forgetting to pay. I walk back in, pay, and exit triumphantly. In the car, I stare at the cover in awe and wonder, quickly wiping a drop of drool off the front
as my mouth gapes in utter bewilderment. Not so much at the fact that I'm holding the fifth instalment of the Harry Potter series, but that I made it out of the store. ALIVE. God was on my side. Once I got home, I read. Non-stop. Until I was done. I kid you not my friends, I finished the book over a period of 25 hours. Minus the time I forced myself to sleep, it took me 18 hours to read the book. Think I'm insane? Maybe. But I didn't do it for me. I did it for all those HP fans out there. Occulus repairo! Expelliarmus! Alohamora! Peace, love, and Quidditch, baby.
There is no doubt that mine isn't the only mind that has been captivated by Harry Potter. It's changing the world; largest production of books in history, bestseller for weeks before it even came out, and even prompting many to risk imprisonment for a chance
to glimpse the book. At this rate, Harry Potter may in fact be the first fictional character elected president. Secretary of State Ron Weasely, Surgeon General Hermione Granger.
All those who wouldn't be surprised, say 'quaffle'. Even my mom has been bitten by the Harry Potter bug. When I told her during lunch one day that after I finished reading the Order of the Phoenix I was going to let Chauncey read it, she went postal. 'LIKE
HELL you're going to let Chauncey read it! I'm paying for the D*MN thing, so I GET IT NEXT!' Then she bit off my head, chewed it up, and spit it out on her plate. The family sat there staring at her in horror for a few moments. She sheepishly went back to her
salmon patty.
It's sad how one over-sized novel can rip a family apart. But for Harry Potter, I'm willing to deal with that. Who cares if my mom throws me to the streets for not giving her her turn! With my best book by my side, we'll SING! SING! SING! 'I'm a lumberjack and I'm...' Wooooah! Sorry! A little off topic! My bad! Looks like Harry Potter's got my brain all fried! I'm like a House Elf in a sock drawer I'm so excited! Let's just hope J.K. Rowling doesn't lose her magical touch with the next two books. If she comes out with Harry Potter and the Ghetto Gangbeating, or Harry Potter and the Curse of the
Sucky Plotline, we'll know to stop reading. God forbid. Too risky. I'm pretty sure if she pulled any plot-changing moves that made the public mad, like Harry Potter dying or Hogwarts burning down or something, she'd be involved in the first non-political assassination in God knows how long. Maybe forever. People would line up to take a
shot.
Well, I better get some sleep. I'm rather lacking in it since my reading adventure. Want to know what I thought of the book if you're done? Just ask! I'll be glad to inform you of my thoughts, comments, and any buyer-related injuries I may have acquired. In the mean time, Enjoy #5, you HP fans. I know I did! Now... where did I leave my firebolt...
Your Little h2g2'er,
