h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Quite a lot of them dribble when they're happy, and depending on what they've eaten, that dribble can STINK. * They shed. * They rip the furniture (and peoples legs and armpits and Really Delicate Bits) to shreds with their evil claws. * Even if desexed (and regardless of former gender) they can enjoy pursuing the goal of spraying every square foot of everything within 200 feet of their home base, and the smell takes an average of 3 years to remove. * They can be very territorial, and with that comes noise (yowwwwwwwl). Territorial instincts can also see them nicking off with your underwear, sometimes while you're trying to put it on. * Cats are notorious for losing their collars and cat-collar manufacturers are notorious for charging the price of a cinema ticket for a bit of synthetic leather with a cruddy bell on it. * It only takes two cats to make up to twelve more cats. * Waking up at 3am to find that your cat has had an attack of diarrhoea all over your doorless wardrobe isn't a great deal of fun. * Cats like to bring us presents, but because they don't have credit cards (probably because the only word they know is "meow" and they can't spell it - with apologies) they have to improvise, and what they come up with tends to be half a mouse or half a bird or half a roach (and roaches can apparently live for up to 3 weeks without a head). ** Need I go on? *** I'm actually not a cat-hater, I have just come to appreciate the benefits of not having a cat.