How To Avoid Walking into Lampposts
Created | Updated May 28, 2003
It is difficult to believe, I know, but every year there are over 18,000 lamppost related injuries in the UK alone. Many of the victims involved in these accidents will never recover. It is because of these considerations, that I have decided to write this public service announcement.Lampposts are dangerous things. As soon as you realise that you are on the first step towards a brighter, and hopefully lamppost free future. Deceptively normal, just not noticing one is only a step away from walking into one.The first thing to appreciate when walking into a new street is where the lampposts are positioned. Indeed, 90% of the injuries described above occur on roads that are familiar to the victim. Many people notice the lampposts unconsciously, and their mind sees them as not being a threat. The human mind is a very complex piece of apparatus. It has so much to do that it has developed shortcuts, such as ignoring things that are not threats. However, this itself has created a new danger. Therefore, it is recommended that the first step on entering a new street is to make careful notes of the locations of each lamppost. This may take a few seconds, but will be of great use to you later, in your voyage down the length of the street. Once the positions of the lampposts have been noted, it is recommended that you walk as far away from the lampposts as possible. However, if there is extreme congestion on the pavements, this may be difficult. One method, favoured by many, is to scream at the top of the voice, “Get out of my way!” and barge down the other side of the road. This completely eliminates the thread of lamppost/human collision, but strangely, is regarded a little unreasonable by a few less liberal humans. Another strategy is to walk on the same side as the lampposts, but very slowly and carefully. Remember to weigh up the remaining distance to the next lamppost, and adjust your trajectory accordingly. This will, in most cases, alleviate the danger of head on collision, although the possibility of a glancing contact is still present. Most lamppost related injuries are sustained while the victim is busy elsewhere. Reading, coughing, looking for money on the ground and doing up your coat lead to the first step towards injury. Therefore, it is recommended that you put an end to these once and for all. Next time you feel cold either stop and do you coat up, or remain cold. Do not, and this cannot be stressed enough, attempt to zip up your coat while continuing walking. The prudent, and more importantly, safe, walker as learnt never to allow his eyes to deviate from what is in front of him. Although this entry deals especially with lampposts, they are only one of a whole list of dangers, including, post boxes, small cars, uneven concrete, phone boxes, large dogs, pushchairs, piles of rubbish and iguanas.
