h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The 50m dash, while balancing a bean bag on your head.
- or rolling a hoop
- or sack-racing
- or the three legged race
- or (my personal favourite) the wheelbarrow race.

We've all done them... Britain would win hands down!
....And a lollipop and a cup of orange squash for the winner....

You forgot the egg and spoon race, the supreme test of speed, balance and hand-eye coordination. I was crap at it.

You can just imagine the IOC acting to stamp out the practice of holding on to the egg after picking it up and putting it on the spoon, can't you?

HOW could I forget the egg and spoon race?!!
(Slaps forehead in disgust!)

Using only regulation-sized eggs, of course. And no chewing gum on the spoon.

As most of the world's 'supreme' athletes have the mind of children anyway, I think the events proposed would go down well. Just one little bone to pick with the whole idea: Britain would not win. Australia would. Any nation made up of 20 million people who are each willing to through custard pies at government officials (in Queensland especially) with stunning accuracy are almost over-qualified to participate in primary school events. Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi! (our national cheer - it's shorter than all 15 verses of Waltzing Matilda and sounds better than our national anthem)

Hmmm, custard pie throwing is another good one.

Custard pie throwing would definitely have made school sports day more fun!

gotta have the sack race in there too. and perhaps even a two legged sack race where you tie two people together....that ought to be fun

The sack race on wet grass is the classic. Watch the athletes fall flat on their faces. Less fun if you were in it...