h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Teams of competitors from around the world are equipped with Land Rovers, loud hailers and a big net each.

Cliff, who has been kept in a box for a day without any champaign or cheese, is released into a forest.

He will be agitated, but alert.

To give him a fighting chance, he's allowed a ten minute head start before the turbo-powered fuel-injected Land Rovers can get moving, sometimes at speeds of up to eighty miles an hour.

Cliff, sprinting from bush to bush, hears the on-coming teams shouting at him through the trees - taunting stuff like: "Hey, Cliff, we're going to catch you in our big net". Cliff asks God to give them all punctures and break their exhaust pipes, but God doesn't appear to be listening this year either.

Then, from nowhere, a pillow hits him on the back of the head and down he goes. He just has time to read on the pillow: 'Property of the Zimbabwe Hilton' before the net comes down. Zimbabwe are victorious. They go back to Zimbabwe carrying their medals, on a charter jet.

Cliff drives back to his mansion in a big red double decker bus.