h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is my belief that the next Olympics should test, instead of solely physical activity, a combination of physical skill and high self-esteem.

Imagine,

_-=Dance Dance Revo-nude-lution.=-_
Competitors line up and play this super-sweet dancing game, requiring no small degree of skill and co-ordination (Oni 'A', anyone?)... except they can't wear any clothing while they do it.
It's a documented fact (at least, it is now) that most non-serious DDRtists feel "silly" or "stupid" when they jump and hit arrows with their feet or when they see someone else "freestyle". Imagine the embarrasment at doing it nude! But remember, it's a test of only how large your -ego- is.

Bonus points would be given for... shall we say, 'inventive' uses of body parts.

_-=Depressing Angst-Filled Media Viewing=-_
Everyone knows how much angst is floating around on the Internet. Simply take a look at most Xanga (http://www.xanga.com) or LiveJournal (http://www.livejournal.com) weblogs and you'll learn to experience feelings you've never known, plus in a monochrome-colored black.

And Flash isn't spared, either. From heartwrenching Flash movies (http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~hoorj/puzzlee.swf) to uh... this (http://www.xanga.com/misundrstd115), there's no way it's possible to flow through enough angst-filled media without feeling apprehensive about the future of humanity.

And I haven't even touched "emo" music.

_-=Inventive Uses for Trout.=-_
This has absolutely nothing to do with self-esteem, but I'd imagine it'd be fun to watch.

Yeah, that Olympics would be funny. I mean, the average TV-addicted slob already spends lots of time getting some sort of sadistic pleasure from watching people be humiliated; why not turn it into a sport?

EDIT: Apologies for the hyperlinks in parentheses, but regrettably, I can't it.