The Edge
Created | Updated Apr 30, 2003
Part Eight
The last twenty-four hours had been pretty strange for Lorgnette. First some inconsiderate alien had hit her over the head, then, whilst she was unconscious, carried her off. She had come round to find she was no longer on Earth, but on a spaceship powered by boredom. A man that looked like an extremely short and silly bouncer then proceeded to tell her that she had been chosen by God to help Wickrain1 climb Mount Everest and attach two electromagnets to it that were connected to the aforementioned spaceship and thus, through the power of boredom, power Earth away from 'The Edge', whatever that was. Sometimes you had this kind of day... At least that was what she was repeatedly telling herself to keep from jumping out the nearest porthole.
She now found herself on a ship-to-surface vehicle headed back to Earth with a hillbilly that had recently received something very nasty up something that was usually only employed for evacuation activities.
How could God have chosen me? And more to the point, Wickrain? The alien had told her that God was in fact a former president from their planet and had received Earth as a retirement present. She'd felt disturbed when the alien had told her that God did in fact live in the centre of the Earth, not above it. Apparently he wanted a suntan. If God did live in the centre of the Earth, it meant something very disturbing for all those that prayed upwards. She laughed. It meant they were the Devil Worshippers... and Devil Worshippers were really Bible-Bashers. Well, that certainly put a new spin on Marilyn Manson.
The hillbilly stirred from his comatose state and before his minders had a chance to inject him with more tranquilliser Lorgnette punched him in the face. It had been a long day and the hillbilly hadn't exactly got into her good books when he sang Stand by Your Man the last time he was conscious. Since then she insisted that his minders kept the tranquilliser syringe by their sides at all times.
Why Wickrain? Who did he bribe this time? Wickrain was without doubt the most corrupt individual she knew. He cheated, stole, smoked, drank, couldn't count beyond ten without taking off his socks and was a would-be serial misogynist, except he could never get a girl. Come to think of it, he should be President of a medium-sized country.
As the ship heated up for re-entry and Lorgnette's head jolted as though completely independent of her body, all that was going through it, apart from the Mars Bar she had taken a minute before the craft entered the atmosphere, was Why Wickrain?
