h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*glugs guinnes and steers with other hand*


woho.. bit of turbulence there...


*the car buffets around, Time Traveller spills his guinness and his hair gets in his eyes... takes hand off wheel to remove hair... of cource this would be the time when we re-enter realtime*

*The car smashes through a stone wall, it's right hand wheels go up a cart in whatever street we've landed in and the car skids the last 200 meeters on it's left hand side before finaly stopping at the side of another wall.*

*shakes dust out of eyes*

*coughs*

Somebody read me out the dial in the back and tell me what time we're in? Think this might be Rome... And those are blokes in skirts... with spears... ok, dont tell me the time we're in, lets just get out the car and be very nice to these people...

*scrambles out door which is now at the top of the car*

climbs trough the rear seat from the trunk into the cabin
"CanI have a please, those are tricky you know?"

Nephew Who pops up from the neatly in the cover of the minibar hidden ash tray
"Well, have we here, half of the society in a can, on the ceiling and rooom enough in this tiny cabin."

is the watch even in this time? did it go here but get taken again? or what?

(out the side of his mouth)

I dont know, I'm just going to go to random times until we find some clue...

*holds up hands to Roman Guards to show he is unarmed*

We come in peace...

*the guards all kneel. They think we're gods... hey this cant be a bad sign...*

*A guard says something in Latin... hmm, wish I'd learned Latin...*

Er, hi... ammo ammas ammat... love man, er... careful with the spear...


*Guards surround the time travellers.*

Hmmm, I think we should go with these guys...

*Guards march the Travellers through the city... looks like Rome.*

*We are ushered into a temple of the god Jove. The statue in the middle is crumbling and falling to peices, the gold pealing off the stone. In the floor there is a round glass circle...*

is that the watch?

*Time Traveller dashes ahead of the guards to the shining glass on the floor... this wasnt a good idea, it isnt the watch, just a glass door into a small recess in the floor., and I done think the guards beleive we've been reverent enough... or that we're gods. A guard thrusts a spear at TT*

*rolls to dodge, and flicks a playing card at the guard's neck, which cuts his throat...*

*seems we'll have to fight the guards as they cautiousely circle us, their spears threatening.*

*draws glowing blue-and-black sword*

See this, guards? This is my sword! Its far better than yours!

*spins sword on finger, tosses it around, and spins it randomly through the air*

See?
*guards look in partial amazement*

haha!

*hits sword, it flies through the air, gutting him through the stomach.*

*leaps up and pulls sword out, and sweeps it around, slashing the necks of two other guards*

*draws his sword*

<>

*starts mocing very quickly and beheading people*

*comes swinging in on big rope*

Hahaha!

*swipes glass object*

All right! Another victory for Deus Ex Machina!

(Historical note: This was how the term "deus ex machina" was created by the Romans.)

Sorry, but I'm afraid this isn't the watch, it's actually a lens off a telescope.

Keep it!


That must have coem from another time! because galileo hasn't lived yet!



(I'm /pretty/ /sure/ what year is this anyway?)

Acronymous Borg marches by some fresh headless dromes in line behind him
"Dex!, Sin!, Dex!, Sin, Dex, Sin, Dex, Sin, Dex, Sin, Dex... "
(Dextra for rightfoot and Sinistra for leftfoot)

They stop before Time Traveller (heads in their hands). They say
"Ave, Time Traveller, morituri te salutamus"
(They who are going to die greet Time Traveller)

Acronymous Barking commands
"Don te gladius, post facto per capita memento mori "
(hand your swords, after that do not forget to die.)

Where to?

[to soldiers, who are quivering with fear]
And how did the telescope lens get here? Who here has a telescope?

Hmm... perhaps this is a clue that could possibly lead us to our next destination! (Or, more likely, lead through a series of clues, each one leading to the next, until we finally realize that it was under Time Traveller's hat all along.)

*stops killing people and looks around, dizzy*

Hmmm.... most perplexing. Telescopes now, when were they invented...

*Flicks wrist. A playing card shoots out over Deus ex Machina's shoulder dispatching the one remaining guard who was about to cut his head off... well there's always one*


Back to the car... we're going to have to get it back on it's wheels again and it might need some repairs...

But the telescope is likely in this time... lens don't randomly fall through the spacetime continuum thingy, the rest of teh telescope must be around too...

There's a test we can run in the car... if the machine isn't broken...


Everything has it's own time signiture... we're out of place here. When we get in the car it can tell what times we are all from... well I could before I crashed it... If there's anything else out of place within 50 miles it should be able to show us.

So anyhow, lets get back... dont want to be clamped by a Roman traffic warden...