h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Sugar Production - A1026136
Author: Helelou2 (Chancellor of the Exchequer, Game Addict's Ministry, (2+2+2)*7+0-0) - U222700

This is my first entry and I would appreciate any comments

Very good article I think,
Certainly showed how very little I knew about sugar production...
I can't think of anything to change myself.

Interesting. Who would have thought it was so complex?

All it needs is finishing off and then it will make a good EG article. You could always put a little bit in on sugar cane farming (to have from farm to spoon as it were) but maybe that's a separate entry?

Sprout

I was thinking of doing cane farming as next entry as it is quite interesting
so what does it need to 'finish it off'?
genuinely interested, as I have never written anything before

Hel2

What is sugar beet?

Pongo

Sugar Beets are grown in the northern hemosphere and once crushed are processed in exactly the same way as sugar cane
as not grown here in Australia I didn't think it was relevant to entry

Hel2

Fair enough I just wondered!

Pongo

that's pongo


my sisters dog is called pongo, when you first appeared I thought you may have been her

Yes as in 101 dalmations, no I'm not a dog
Pongo refers to the fact that I'm ex-Army, the Royal Navy and RAF call members of the Army Pongos.

"Where ever the army goes, the pong goes"

A Pong being an unpleasent smell.

Pongo

opps
sisters dog was called pong bcause of her smell ! !

interesting about the army bit thou

Hey an good interesting entry well done have a or on me!

Here's my thoughts on what needs to be done to get it into the edited guide which it's certainly capable of doing!

It's in the "house style" to start an entry with a header or even a sub header. Firstly the title is alread the first thin the reader sees, try to start with an introduction of a few words. In fact your first paragraph would do nicely as an introduction

For "foriegn" or words that aren't usual in English the house style is to put them into and tags rather than bold.

I don't think there's any need to mention that it's based on sugar production at one particular mill, after all there can't be that many ways can there

If you do want to mention the mill then I'd put it as a foot note, (ie bettween and

Also I found it a little hard to read in it's current form! it isn't really usual to use tags within paragraphs. If you feel that your paragraphs are too long and difficult to read then why not break them up into smaller paragraphs?

I'm sure if you make these changes it will soon be on that coverted front page

Will make sugessted changes tomorrow
Off to get some now, nearly midnight here

By finishing off I mean explaining the last steps needed to turn the sugar into what we use everyday - at the bottom you have written work in progress?

Sprout

Thanks sprout and I have added a bit at the bottom to say what happens to the sugar once it leaves the mill,
and I have aslo made a few other changes as suggested
It looks better now I think

Hel2

I agree, it does look better
Well done Helly

Great

Looking good and almost ready I'd say.

A couple of things which are still unclear or confusing:
"Once reaching the mill they are crushed through a series of large rollers, this produces raw juice (brown in colour) and cane fibre, called bagasse"
I think if you move the comma it will make it more clear that it's the *fibre* which is bagasse - 'Once reaching the mill they are crushed through a series of large rollers, this produces raw juice (brown in colour), and cane fibre called bagasse'

"The mud is taken out of the bottom of the tank and further processed."
Perhaps the first (but only the first) mention of 'mud' in that paragraph needs to be italicised to indicate that it's jargon. Either that, or a couple of words explaining that the stuff which settles at the bottom is called 'mud', otherwise it looks as if it's real mud that you're talking about.

"Once the C sugar has been dropped..."
Is that same as "The massecuite is dropped out of the bottom of the pan into Receivers"?

'Magma'. This part - "under vacuum a set ammount of small crystals - Magma is drawn into the pan." says that magma is crystals, but this part - "The crystal or C sugar is mixed with a little water and pumped back to the pan stage to be used as footings for A and B sugar. This mix is called Magma" hints that it's more like a syrup.

You've still got the "This is a work in progress so stay tuned for improvements" message at the bottom... can that be removed yet?

I'm really pleased with the way this one has come along Hellelou

Hels,

Looking good

Perhaps using footnotes to explain mud might be the way to go.

Apart from that and the work in progress, looking damn fine

Hi, Helelou!

I think this entry is really improving - it's much easier to follow now than last week. I think that you should put in a mention of sugar cane in the title: 'Sugar Production from Sugar Cane', to make it clear that you're not talking about sugar beet.

I have to say that I think you could drastically simplify the description of the A, B and C sugar - I found I had to read the present section a few times to understand, and I don't think you really need that level of detail.

But overall, it now looks very good!


Azara