h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right then, Deckchair, there is this little line, see, and this week, you know what you done? You went and crossed it.

As fervent believers in crucifiction, my cat and I take great offence at your portrayal of jesus eating his way out of a chocolate egg. That's just b*****ks that is, and it never happened.

In order to protest, my cat has made a cross out of toilet rolls and sellotaped itslef to it, and is now standing outside number ten downing street waiting for Mr Tony Blair to notice it and ask it whats the matter.

Because, see, Tony Blair is a nice man and he will help us rid the world of people like you who talk rubbish and don't get their hair cut. So you can be expecting a visit from Tony soon, or else John Prescott, whole probably thump you so hard you'll nearly fall over.

You know what will happen? Tony Blair will probably be relaxing to a nice breakfast of egg and soldiers and then he'll glance out of the window and see this .. thing .. in the street and he'll call security and have it destroyed in a controlled explosion.

The most harm your cat will do is give the street cleaners a tougher job than normal.

Are you saying Tony Blair would blow up my cat?

Yes, and if he did, it would go down well with voters too.

Right then, car park, three oclock, no kicking, no scratching.

and no cat, most probably...

*Time passes.
Tony Blair fails to notice the cat.
John Prescott finds it instead, and heroically drop kicks it out of Downing Street.
The aerodynamic properties of the toilet rolls combined with the velocity of the cat, enable it to fly.
The cat arrives over head at the car park at the appointed time*

If I weren't laughing so hard, I'd be appalled!

JEllen