h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Was just (and still am, as a matter of fact) talking with Terri, and we've decided to start a thread for daily affirmations of power.

Here's my contribution thus far:

When I'm feeling suicidal, like all hope is lost, I just remind myself that I can p*ss more people off by remaining alive.

Terri's contribution? "The mobile phone is mightier than the pr*ck".

Well, at least the mobile's fully rechargeable.

Seriously excellent idea you two .

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are - you aren't.

- Margaret Thatcher

I wonder if that was before or after she said 'The lady's not for turning'

If she was turning slowly, is this why she appeared on "Spitting Image"???

*ponders on sick jokes involving witches, stakes & faggots*

zdt

*good idea for a thread*

Not quite on topic but.....

PMS
1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Pack My Stuff

12. Potential Murder Suspect




THE HORMONE WARNING: "Hormone Hostages"
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license!

"Money talks....But Chocolate sings"

DANGEROUS: .............What's for dinner?

SAFER: ..............Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: ..............Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some chocolate
****************
DANGEROUS: .............Are you wearing that?

SAFER: ..............Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: ..............WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: .............Have some chocolate.
**************
DANGEROUS: ..............What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: ..............Could we be over reacting?
SAFEST: ..............Here's my paycheck.
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some chocolate.
****************
DANGEROUS: ..........Should you be eating that?

SAFER: ..............You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: ..............Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some chocolate.
*************
DANGEROUS: ...........What did you do all day?

SAFER: ..............I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: ..............I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some more chocolate.

What's a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
***************
What's the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
*************
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Oh, Abbi, those were too funny! Thank you, I love having a good laugh first thing in the morning!

Can't think of anything terribly profound or affirming today, but I had a couple of fortune cookies and I like what one said: "No one conquers who doesn't fight".

(Of course, I also had one that said "You have a quiet and unobtrusive nature", so their accuracy is perhaps debatable)

Loved the one about calling out your own name!! Reminds me of the old joke:

"What's the worst thing about being an atheist?"

"There's no one to talk to when you're making love."

Not feeling very affirmative today i'm afraid.Just seriously f***ed up.

zdt

Not feeling too f***ed up today, thankfully. I'm here for those who are, though.

Here's a few contributions from me tonight. I keep a collection of quotes for various reasons, not least of which is a bit of affirmation when I'm feeling lost. A few of my favorites:

"Hope is like a bird that senses dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark."
- unknown

"We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope."
- Martin Luther King

"The willow knows what the storm does not: that the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it"
- Blood of the Martyr

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
- G. B. Burgin

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting."
- Karl Wallenda

And here's one which always makes me smile, albeit more than a little true to life.

""Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown

Shame on me, i've thought of more:

"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction."
- General Douglas MacArthur

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein

Sorry!

Those are wonderful PC -
I sent them to some friends and family.
Thanks!

I really like the Charlie Brown one!

Feeling better today, amazing what selling a (apparently classified as "vintage" after 3 yrs) piece of techno kit can do for you!

"You can't eat minidiscs, but you can eat pizzas; money can't buy you love, but it sure as hell can buy you pizzas!"

zdt

Glad you liked those, guys.

Terri, that's too true! Pizzas are the food of the gods. (Which, incidentally, is the title of a really awful movie I watched last weekend. It's so awful, you've got to love it)

I will contribute more affirming thoughts when I'm not so tired and my brain isn't operating on autopilot.

*mental vision of disconnected PC brain, scalpel in hand, burrowing down inside the airplane*

You must have seen the Mel Brooks movie? Ask abbi, guess where her name came from!

"Springtime for lunatics in Angoulême"

We will no doubt dream up some more nonsense tomorrow, really looking forward to hearing your dulcet tones!

I reckon we would make a great pair of nuns; about time for a remake of "The Sound of Music"

"The pills are alive"

"How do you solve a problem like urea?"

zdt

I have seen the movie, although not for too long. Must refresh my memory!!

I also look forward to hearing from you, it's music to my ears.

But hey, I don't think I'd make too good a nun at this point. I've got serious you-know-what on the brain.

>"How do you solve a problem like urea"<....
Terri, you are too ing much!!

*waves frantically at PC*

*wonders what the hell she is doing up at 7.22 am eating pizza*

*attempts to remove equally lunatic from underneath lampshade*

TOO MUCH? You jest my darling!

hey, what did the shrink's pissed off wife say to him when she found him tie-dying his Tshirts?

"Only the good dye, Jung"

zdt

*groans*

Terri! That was awful!

Noting wrong with pizza for breakfast, I do it often myself. Especially after a night of what we might call "excessive" drinking.

Hope Yoda came out from under that lampshade. Weird cat. Give her ears and/or belly a good scratch for me, will you?

This morning, I'm asking myself this question- why do I stay up too late Friday nights, drinking a wee bit too much (i.e., getting seriously plastered) when I've got work the next morning, when I know I can stay up as late as I like on Saturday night?

'cos you are seriously mad? Or possibly madly serious? Either way is fine by me;the world needs people like us to counteract all this normality, which is quite obviously getting the planet nowhere fast.

I have informed P that you may phone at some point in time;he just shrugged in that irritating yet irrestible Gallic way & said "tres bien, c'est la vie".....dear me, what can you do with 'em? (don't answer that...)

Did you try to phone about 1 hr ago? The mobile rang, but i didn't get there in time.

zdt