h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello! I'm starting this new forum because it seems to me this page is not accomplishing much of what it set out to do. Mainly, we are supposed to be a support group for each other. Are we? Do you - anyone of you - feel that this group is giving you support that helps you through the day, helps you feel better, helps you deal better? How can we best support each other, here? What sort of support would mean the most to you?

No... I haven't had support from the group... but then I haven't really asked for it...

I don't know what else to say.

Much of the support I've gotten from the group has been just having, and knowing I have, real friends who care, and not just the discussion we've had here.

Part of the reason for that is, there are some issues I'm not terribly comfortable discussing quite so publicly. Some of the ones I have been able to talk about, have either gotten me attacked (albeit by someone who is *not* an active participant in the group) or told that the subject is "inappropriate". It's hard to seek, or offer, support, when one has to watch what one says.

Each of us possesses a unique perspective, and a different opportunity to give and receive help. Some of us lack reliable and ready internet access. Some of us have time contraints. And all of us, at one point or another, have other needs, responsibilities, and worries which keep us away at times.


I'd offered to help set up an MSN or Yahoo group where we could discuss things more freely. Unfortunately, only one person expressed any interest in participating. My own fears, paranoia, and over-sensitivity render me somewhat incapable of being as open here now as I've been in the past, and not only for myself these days.

As survivors of abuse and trauma, any of us is likely to perceive the absence or "inattentiveness" of others as rejection, disinterest, or whatever. Sometimes I get a bit self-absorbed, but hell, at times that's all that keeps me going.

That said, I've still gained a lot of support from the group, both online and off. It helps me a lot to know people who've been through similar experiences and understands how they continue to permeate my daily life. It also helps to have people who love and accept me the way I am, for a change. The difference *that* has made in my life is overwhelmingly obvious. It helps greatly as well to have people I can talk about *other* stuff with, things I enjoy thinking and talking about, like art, and film, and even idle chit-chat. And I don't even have to tell you all the difference Krispy has made in my life... the changes in my attitude, perspective, and self-image speak for themselves. All of these things have given me support that help me to cope with things better than I ever could have otherwise.

My tendency to be incommunicado for days or weeks at a stretch is due to lack of free time and not lack of interest or support. I still need you all as much as ever, if not more so. And I certainly do hope I still have something to offer.

Essentially what she said.

When it comes to truly seeking support for the tough things in my life, it's just not really stuff I would ever feel comfortable posting on a public board -- or, really, even a private board where I didn't know many of the people.

Hello and thanks for the answers! Keep them coming ... more perspectives could always help.

I am interested in the wellbeing of this group. Many of you here are people I know as friends ... some of you I've been friends with before getting to know better here, and some I've met here and later got to know better. Some who are here I haven't really got to know well yet. But anyways, I really do hope this group can function well and help some people.

It has helped me, because like I said, I met some new people here. Like Psychocandy I find it helpful just to know there are some people around who I can talk to about some of the less-than-fun stuff in life.

Have I said, I do think a private board could be a good idea? Anyways I said it now. I do think a private board could be a good extension of this site, as a place where people can feel a bit safer about opening up.

Also like Psychocandy says ... I can't be around all of the time. I know full well that it can be a problem for some people if they want to talk about something and find nobody responsive to them. I am sorta that way myself ... if I say something and nobody responds, I feel ignored, invisible, powerless and helpless. So other people can feel that way as well. But in my case, I *know* that this is my normal response and therefore I *know* that it's *my* fault, and *my* problem, it's not the fault of the people who did not respond, and not their problem. It's something *I* need to work on. In fact, being ignored here is an opportunity for me to get more practice and experience with how I handle being ignored. I have to tell myself that other people are busy too, and cannot always be around.

Short-term 'ignorage' is, I think, OK ... but long-term ignorage not so. But what do different people consider to be short-term, and what long-term? If somebody is ignored for a week, is that too long?

Basically the thing is this ... the group is quite small now. With just a few active members (less than ten) and individuals constrained in many ways, ignorage of some people seems to be inevitable. But if we could grow to a group of about thirty members, who each spend some time here at least once every two weeks, there will be much less ignorage because there will be more people around at any time to pay attention to others in need of help. So in essence, the ability of the group to provide support will grow as the group itself grows.

Whether the group grows ... whether we *want* it to grow ... is another question, I guess...

Hiya Willem and Mikey!

I'd like to see the group grow, and have more and more people helping each other out. I think one of the things that happens with a group so small, and many of us friends with each other, we often feel an exaggerated sense of responsibility to respond to everything everyone chooses to share. Sometimes that's hard- I know that some things I read here (Richenda's most recent journal entry, for one) are just too hard for me to respond to, it hurts and scares me too much to think about. Sometimes we post things just to get them out there, and out of our heads. But it can still hurt when people don't respond.

I'm very concerned with the well-being of every member of this group. You've all become very dear to me, in your own ways and for a multitude of reasons.

What Willem has said about ignorage is very insightful. Each of us has our ow limits of how much ignorage we can take, and for how long. I know for a fact I've already pushed that limit with at least one person here, but fortunately for me, that person has chosen to forgive me and move forward. I appreciate that very much, and will work harder at not ignoring that person in the way that I did again. Sometimes, I don't even know I'm doing it until a person tells me so.

I'd still be happy to start an offsite board as an extension of, not in lieu of, this one. It would feel both safer and less exposed, and at the same time "closer". Let me know.

And if I seem to be absent, bear with me. I'm doing my best. Right now I need moral support in dealing with the present more than with dealing with the past. But that doesn't mean I still don't feel and understand all of the bad feelings we all have, and often, and I'm always going to be here to help one way or another, I promise.

So, if we want the group to grow, how do we go about doing that, without sacrificing our security and safety too much? There's still things I'm scared to face, scared to share even with those of you I already know and trust. How to work around (or through) that...?

Hello all! I would just like to re-open this thread, seeing as how Richenda and Barton now also seriously need support! Not to mention Terri, who needs ongoing support.

I still haven't answers to many of the questions and problems ... but I'm thinking, I'm thinking!

I think Psychocandy's idea of an offsite board is promising. But we have to find more than one person to keep it going because when it's just one person who's 'in charge' and that person because of personal stress and circumstances can't devote the time to it any more, the board will die.

I think what we have here on h2g2 is already quite a good thing if we can keep it going and expand it a bit ... maybe we should just put in a bit more work here for a while ...

I've neglected this place for long because last year I lost 'net access for a bit more than a month, and since coming back it's taken me a bit of time to get back to speed.

But anyways at least I hope I will be around here more from now on, and I'll try and do a bit of writing for this group.