h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Diddy I know we are no substitute while missing your love interest but we are here to talk.
Maybe hootoo and another flexible-time sort of interest or hobby would be helpful filling in the time.

Kaz that very well could be the case- a few missed days and you notice a difference in the endorphins circulating.
Good Luck getting back into the swing.

Diddy I know we are no substitute while missing your love interest but we are here to talk.
Maybe hootoo and another flexible-time sort of interest or hobby would be helpful filling in the time.

Kaz that very well could be the case- a few missed days and you notice a difference in the endorphins circulating.
Good Luck getting back into the swing.

Aerobics eek!!

I do yoga, Raqs Sharaq or Shariq (belly dancing) and run most nights.

After a day off, I am feeling better already and will be running tonight , oh and yoga in a few hours! I guess a fortnight exercising meant my body needed a rest.

I walk a lot as well, exercising helps with muscle which bulks you up, so kept the walking going Diddy!

Good for you Kaz

Thank you Abbi, encouragement is brilliant!!

You have earned a cheering section (nudgers and congratulators) by being a wonderful example of a self starter!

You are a pro-active problem solver

Hiya!

A different prob now

Has anyone got any idea on how i can be more assertive?

I tend to find when i tell people what makes me happy, sad, what i like to do etc etc it goes in one ear n out the other or people just forget about what i've said after a couple of weeks. If i was the sort of person who cries when i'm down this prob would make me cry all the time. I'm just fed up of no-one listening to me for a change. I don't mean on here of course, i mean in real life. Either i say things in the wrong manner n get people's back's up or i don't make it clear enough.

After a while i get worn down n just do things that others want to do n i'm just fed up of thinking about others. Don't get me wrong i'm not selfish n never will be. I just wish people would listen to me. I find it's easier on here for people to listen n understand but when it comes to real life i feel people don't give a about me or my feelings n i really don't think i want to take anymore crap.

If i say it in the wrong manner people think i'm selfish or if i don't say it clear enough people forget so really i haven't got a clue what to do!

Phil

's to you all

All you can do is practice.
You have to know what you want
People generally do not listen well so maybe you are not totally realistic that is so hard to say. Depends on what you are talking about. It helps if you believe what you are saying.

You can only control what comes out of your mouth and what you will accept from others. You cannot change others but you can walk away of it is unhealthy.

Maybe next time you're at the end of your rope, try doing what you want instead of what everyone else wants. If you surprise them and are not typical.....
They start to listen because they need/have too!

You may find out you can do what you want more often, with little negative effects, no more than you have now anyway but different ones - chosen ones.

Disclaimer ; I can only pass along what I have done -doesn't mean it wworks for others

Very good advice from a very dear friend!

Here's an example.

Loads of times i tell my partner i would like us to send emails to each other before we go on the phone at night. Now the night is really only the time we can talk for obvious reasons. Now before i've drummed it into her saying 'i want us to talk, why won't you talk to me?' etc etc. so this carries on n in the end my partner gets so fed up with me going on she purposely stays out the way cus it wouldn't be fun anayway.

we had a long chat the other week to sort things out n i say it in a nice way n she says yes we can talk at night. Now her son has only gone back to school last week so it's only been this week that its been possible we can tal. I find out tonight we could have spoken in email n she says she didn't think about talking to me on there. It made me feel like she completely forgot. Thats why i said before i can't understand why people agree with me at the time n completely forget about it when the conv has finished.

I'm just fed up of having the same conv over n over again with people n it's not just with my partner without anything ever changing. She says she would lik to talk to me on there so the only conclusion i can drawis i'm not getting my point across. I'm not sure if you can understand what i said n it's a bad example really but it's well after 4am

Phil

Aww get some sleep and a bite to eat.
I will do the same.

Some folks think talk = lecture or bad news.
Some think the issues will blow over, without talk.
Could that be a part ?

Have you ever thought of being a counsellor? You talk so much sense!

Yes that's true when i talk to my patner about my feelings she expects the worst. I spose people get used to how you are towards them n it takes time for people to adjust to you if you've changed. I've changed alot recently towards my partner n she has noticed i've changed for the better but she's not good at expressing her feelings to people. That frustrates me cus i think i'm too good at expressing mine!

Yes Abbi you're right it's getting late/early whatever you would like to call it!

Hope you enjoy your meal n sleep well my friend

Take care



Phil

As my wife is teaching me (and I should have learned long ago) it does no real good to wait for people to start doing things the way you need them done. You must start behaving as if you will only accept the things that you can tolerate and refuse to accept anything else. It must be very clear that you are not testing them but that you are simply taking as much control of your life as it is possible for you to do.

This WILL lead to problems as people will see you as trying to control them. But, if you do this with out rancor but simply move along taking what there is for you take and refusing to be bullied by others, as you have been, then ultimately the bullies will go away and those who care will still be there.

Of course, this will be hard for you as well. You will feel like you are being selfish and that you are driving friends away. But, as long as you remember to keep an eye on yourself and only insist on the things that you must have for your own personal well being, you will soon have established that you are not mean and demanding but simply taking care of yourself where others will not do it for you.

The next thing you must do is convince yourself that you are worth that kind of self-support. Most of us seem to feel in some way that we deserve the kind of mistreatment we are accustomed to. Face the fact that you have been inviting it and make up your mind not to do that any more.

Stop accusing yourself of faults that may well be your strengths (after all, that was why we were taught that they were faults). Learn to examine yourself in light of your own values and not the values of those who abused you.

You must also make certain that you and your partner actually share most of those values so that in addition to those things you see in each other that the other lacks you can also see that you each amplify the other's strengths.

If your partner is used to making all the decisions then you must make certain that shi understands that some decisions you must make for yourself and that shi must accept that and understand that shi cannot simply continue as she has done without hurting you.

Each of you is new to the other, now is a time for discovering what can be learned. Someone who has just been in a partnership expects that what shi has been doing is the 'Right' way. What may have been right before may be very wrong now. Make certain that the values you build together are actually the values that matter to you both. Beyond that, all should be freedom to develop.

This is equally true for someone who has been living alone and on hir own devices. Some things that seemed best and efficient may now simply cause problems. You both need to stay flexible. You both need to stay aware that you cannot assume that you understand your partner. You each must assume that despite your 'fit', you still must tread carefully.

Some things the other does are going to drive you crazy. If they are important, then you must seek out ways to do them by yourself in a non-aggressive way while remaining aware of your partner's needs as well.

If people don't seem to listen to you and they care for you, then you might also consider examining whether you are being so diffident in your 'demands' that they are taken to be fancies. The problem is not always on the other side, though it may be.

There is an old adage that "G-d answers all prayers. Most of the time, though, the answer is 'no'." Make certain that you have not missed people saying 'no'.

I hope some of this is of help.

Barton

Hiya Barton!

What a lovely thoughtful reply! I think i'll break each paragraph up n try to digest it that way. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me i wasn't expecting such a deep message.

Phil

Excellant post Barton You're a lucky man to have a smart wifeand she is likewise.

That is almost an entry too! You might think about that, it could help alot of folks sort things out.