h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've got a bit of a minor dilemma on my hands, and thanks to the warm weather, I'm feeling a little too foul and messed up to really think it through clearly, so I was hoping I could ask you all for a bit of perpsective.

I spoke with my rep from the temp agency earlier this week, and she'd asked if I'd be interested in staying on with the comapny, as they were interested in keeping me on if they could, as they think I'm doing an outstanding job. (Boy, have I got *them* fooled...)

I do like the work for the most part, as well as most of the people there. It's very close to home- about 15 minutes- and I don't have to "dress up". These are all good things. And it's a relief to have something, finally, after a futile 15-month job search over the last year or so.

On the other hand, customer service can be a bit of a challenge for me because I often try *too hard* and feel frustrated and like a failure when nothing I do helps the situation. i hate it when my hands are tied. My boss has a bad habit of snapping at me, and of speaking to me the way you would a naughty child, and this is triggering to me in a *HUGE* way... came home in tears yesterday and couldn't do a damn thing for the rest of the night. And half the office is out for the next few weeks, so the inmates are running the asylum, which makes it one huge free-for all, and I'm doing the work of six people, and it kind of drives me crazy.

And then there's the hours... from July to January, it'll be a four-day week, which has good and bad aspects. Three day weekends have definite advantages, especially this summer when I'll have people around I want to be with as much as I can. However, the rest of the year, January to July, is the Busy Season, and I'd be likely to be working 7-day weeks, with very long hours, more than what I had this spring. I'm not sure I can handle that. Before, I had nothing else in my life besides work, but now I think I will have more fulfilling things and wonderful people in my life, and I'm not sure I'm willing to sacrifice that for half the year every year. I'm not sure I should be looking at it that way, but I can't help but take it into consideration.

I'm sure the pay will be so-so, a bit less than I'm getting now, but I'll manage, I always do, that's not really an issue.

I really could use some perspective on this stuff, I'm so wound up and depressed because the weather's finally changed and summer's dropped on me like an anvil. I'm ruminating obsessively again, I know... I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, as usual. I need to have a steady job, and should probably jump at the chance. I suppose I could stay on for summer while the hours are good, and look for something else come autumn? It's just I'm afraid I won't find anything else, I've got no skills and feel pretty useless most of the time.

So humor me, guys, and let me know what you think. Help me come up with a game plan for this one.

7 day weeks for 1/2 the year is a huge commitment. Will they compromise at all, maybe someone else would like to jobshare or you go full-time and someone else go part-time to cover all the hours. It takes an honesty to admit you may not be up to 7 day weeks, your future boss should appreciate that and be willing to work around you.

This can be hard to do, take it with a grain of salt;

It is very very stressful to be "triggered" at work. If you have a lot of them as always it's best to avoid the most toxic people where you can. My therapist was really big on comparing work and childhood. You form relations at work just like the family. There are players.

Some bosses are too toxic for your own good. Give that some thought.
Bosses also really like over achievers and children of alcoholics that side with the good work ethics. If given the chance some take it to extreme which can be bad for the worker and great for the unemotional slave driver kind of boss. It is very easy to have these fine work ethics abused by others.

I suggest working for them through the 4 day week and looking for another job then too. It is not always easy to look for work when you have a job but it IS better as far as landing one. You are more attractive when employed.

7 days a week in a demanding emotional job is too much for anyone IMO It can be done but maybe should not, be given a choice. It is easier if the stretch will get you something better. If it is just for the sake of the boss and job - NO. Providing other jobs can be had. You probably under estimate your worth. Most with a good work ethic (abuse history added) do, they get disturbed with lax workers more though.

One thing I was told early in my working is Do not make yourself too smart or available beacause people will expect more. They will expect you to do that for their work too! This is not a lazy persons advice. I learned every job I could everywhere I went. It was fun to me but abused by others IF I allowed it. I continued to learn all I could everywhere,I just did not always let it be known when it was outside my job requirements. It is a wonderful way to get promoted or noticed when there is a real crisis. All of a sudden you pop up with all these skills

AS always disclaimer: I could be wrong!

Obviously, I am not the best person to be giving advice in this area.

Still, I'm not going to let that stop me.

Part of your problem is that you are still proving to yourself that you have value. You do. You do. You do.

The people you are working with seem, by and large, to be good human people who recognize your commitment and are concerned that you are going to burn yourself out. This would hurt them as well as you.

You are working at a job. This means that it starts at a certain time and stops at a later time. This means that it has certain responsibilites and lacks others. This means that you are part of a team and, since you do not lead that team (except by example), you must not deny them the chance to succeed either. This means that if you care (and you do) you must try to help others help you and not simply shut them out while you do their jobs.

It is a funny thing, in the theatre, that there are guilds and unions for every activity. If during a set change a lamp must be placed, it must be placed by the properties crew and it must be plugged in by the electrical crew. In some circumstances, that seems silly. Anyone could plug in the lamp. But, in other circumstances, if that electrician weren't there, there would be no way to continue.

More importantly, if both parties are responsible for their tasks then they each check each other as neither can do hir job without the other.

What is important is not so much who does the work as that the work is done. The set must be changed or the show cannot continue. Certainly, it is sometimes possible for one person to do everything, but often -- very often -- it is not. If it matter that the show goes on, then it matters that one person collapsing will not close the show.

All of this is a lead in to my suggestion that you do your job the best way you can, but that you not so exhaust yourself that you must certainly fail even while proving your worth.

If you can handle the job load and it makes you feel good to do so without making you feel that you are being taken advantage of then you should continue the job.

If you can't handle the job or if it makes you feel that you are being taken advantage of or, worse, that you are being taken for granted, then you must accept your current accolades as proof of your worth and move on.

And by 'handling the job', I am also talking about the emotional toll that striving for universal perfection and satisfaction must inevitably take so long as other are not so dedicated.

We all must learn to accept defeats and setbacks because to fail is the first part of succeeding. Otherwise, there would be no challenge and no merit to success.

You are competent, caring, talented, intelligent, and much more than likeable. You have skills and you have commitment.

You know that the money is necessary, but it is not the real payment for your work.

There are other jobs if you need to find them. There is this job if you need to keep it.

There is your life that must be lived. And, there is that which you must do to be able to live it.

Always try to tilt the scale in your favor, because you deserve it. Never try to tilt it away from you because you harm everyone that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This has been a message from your local Council for Sentitiousness and Pomposity. Failure to follow any of these precepts will probably result in your living a far better life than I have but, nonetheless, there it is.

Barton

Bravo!

Thanks, all of you, for the good advice. It's easier to see things more clearly when presented with another perspective. I tend to react emotionally first, and rationalise later, now I think I can find a happy medium and work from there.

I'd asked someone else today if the overtime is always that bad, and she said yes and no, it depends. This was apparently the worst season ever. I'd just have to make it clear that I'm not able to keep up that kind of schedule, and be as productive and helpful as possible as I can within the hours I'm capable of putting in. I'm useless if I'm burned out, anyway, you're absolutely right about that. If that's not good enough, then it'd be time to move on. I'm just going to have to resolve not to let myself be bullied or made to feel guilty about it, period.

Barton's got it right on about trying to prove my value. Obviously a lot of that's my own perception, and it's not as big a deal as I make of it. I felt terribly guilty for having gone home sick last Friday. Turns out everyone was surprised I'd come in at all feeling the way I did. No one expects me to be perfect but me, I guess.

As far as the "toxic" boss goes... she's rather moody, I've been told, so I suppose I shouldn't take it so personally, as hard as that is. If it happens again, I'll have to tell her that I don't appreciate being spoken to that way. I realise she was under a lot of stress, but we all were. It's hard enough to bear your own stress without being expected to shoulder someone else's as well. Of course, today I received both a lovely phone call and a letter from two customers who gushed about how kind and sweet and helpful I was, and how I'd saved their graduation days, so that felt really good.

Anyway, I think I'll stay on for now if I'm asked, and enjoy the four-day weeks for as long as I can. A lot can happen in six months anyway. When the busy season starts again, I'll just have to make it clear that if I'm worth having on staff, then they'll have to take what I'm prepared to give, nothing more, nothing less. If I'm as valuable as everyone seems to think I am, then I deserve that much, right?

I'd also like to say how grateful I am to those of you who have helped fill the void in my life all that overtime served for to begin with. It's much, much more fulfilling and the payoff is far better as well!

It's nice you feel more settled
If you should question yourself or the choice again you can always do a quick review of your own thoughts!Journaling is handy that way.

Hey Psychocandy I'm happy to hear you're feeling better about it now. It's always best to try and take a balanced view of a thing, and also a long-term view, and to ask for the perspectives of other people. I think it is good to have a job, if it's not too bad a job. If you can apply some of your talents reasonably well in a job, then it's a good job. Four-day weeks are great ... seven-day weeks may be hell, but it *might* be possible to survive this sort of hell if it doesn't go on forever and if it is not mixed with other 'duties'. For instance it may be OK to work seven-day weeks if friends don't expect you to keep on visiting them as much as before over that period, and if you don't have lots of other responsibilities such as work for a church that also vies for your time.

As for bosses ... it is possible to have a better relationship with a boss, and some bosses will actually be interested in understanding their employees better. I think your boss may be more interested in not losing you than in forcing a certain amount of work out of you. I remember back when I worked in a gym, I had a boss who wasn't really the 'understanding' type. Nevertheless, I did say to him that I was paranoid schizophrenic, and said that as far as I was able, I would NOT let it interfere with my work, but that the medication I was taking might occasionally interfere with my ability to work. He was understanding about that and said it was OK. I also said I was not prepared to work on Sundays. He said that I simply *had* to work on Sundays. I accepted the work anyways ... expecting to have to work Sundays after all, but then I wasn't ever asked to work on Sundays, except once! And later on when I wigged out as a result of my medication, I had a confrontation with my boss ... a verbally and emotionally very violent confrontation (the violence coming from *me*) and I was directed to get out and not come back. But even so, the next day I was allowed to work again and the incident passed without further problems. Only much later did I finally quit because of the circumstances getting intolerable ... and the thing is, they were not intolerable for *me* alone! They were intolerable for the other people working there as well! I was one of three people who all quit at the same time, and the other people were not one paranoid or schizophrenic! And they all complained of the same things as I did. So I knew it was not just me.

But you know, thinking back about it, I think I would have felt better if I could continue doing that sort of work for pay and I think my boss would have felt better if he could have managed to *keep* me and the other employees.

Oh ... it may seem as if there wasn't really a point in there. The point is, I think, that it might in general be a good idea to try and talk things out with the boss, and talk with other employees as well. Maybe people turn out to be more understanding than it seems at first.

Hi Willem... and I did see your point in the first posting. It has been helpful to get other people's perspectives. It might sound silly, but I know I can find another job easily, I'd had such a hard time finding one because I'd been sabotaging myself and going to interviews with an attitude of "I don't deserve this, but I'm hoping you'll give it to me anyway", and that doesn't get anyone anywhere. In this case, I went right up to my supervisor and told him flat out that I needed to know if they were planning on keeping me on or not. And it looks very much like they will.

A lot of other employees have told me that they've never had that kind of overtime before, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it (*now* I'm hearing the theme from "Bridge Over the River Kwai" in my head...). There's no point in my driving myself crazing running through worst case scenarios in my head when they might never happen. It's a bad habit of mine.

Thanks for sharing that experence you had with me, Willem. It does help to know that sometimes when things don't go right, it's *not* just me. I'm feeling a lot more confident now, thank you all again!