h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The monetary kind, not the littering kind

We formulated the following sets of rules for tipping last year, in co-allegiance with our American housemate:

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English Tipping:

- Tip your waiter/waitress 10%, or more if you find them physically attractive. If the service was dreadful but the meal was delicious, tip the chef only through the service counter (otherwise he'll only receive a split).
- Tip your taxi driver 10%, but not if he doesn't speak English. Tip 20% for any comedy driving en route.
- Tip your barber by rounding up to the nearest pound, but only if your haircut merits it. If you've gone in for a skinhead and get charged £4.50, don't feel guilty about waiting for your change.
- Tip doormen and hotel porters with a pound coin, but only if you can flick it through the air in a cool Richard Gere-esque manner
- Tip your casino dealer with some loose chips if you win big. This will ensure good karma when you're losing all your winnings in the same casino next week.

American Tipping:

- Tip everyone you encounter in the service industry, including hat-check girls, bank tellers, estate agents, debt collectors, telephone receptionists and the bloke selling the Big Issue. This even applies if your waiter split soup down your tie and the steak was still frozen in the middle. American tipping is so much a way of life, they might as well deduct 15% from your pay cheques.

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B

I thought they did. Except I thought it was 20%.

15% after tax, then.

B

Since our tax is 9.5%, it's easiest just to double it for the tip. Of course, this time of year, we just laminate four ten dollar bills, and pass them back and forth between the cooks, waitrons, and bartenders.