h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Aside from being one of the most annoying chains of pubs in the UK by pretending to be clubs, the Firkins have another problem coming their way - that of lack of 'F' words. They all have to be different you see. Therefore, it's only a matter of time before we see the "F**k-off and Firkin", the "Feltch and Firkin", or worse ...

They don't just stick to ‘F’ words though. They will use ’Ph’ words instead.

In Oxford there is a Philanderer and Firkin (I'm sure there are many other examples).

Words starting with ‘Ph’ obviously sound the same as ‘F’ words but are spelt differently, one of the many illogical things about the English language. Words can be spelt the same and sound different, spelt different but sound the same.

Anyway back to Firkin pubs.... How can they all have 'The best Firkin beer in town' when each down seems to have several of the damned things!

I am still waiting to see the Fuckwit and Firkin as this name would seem to suit the mentality of having chains of pubs.

Like the Faggot and Firkin, Fascist and Firkin (Also a conservative club), F#nny and Firkin (Brothel upstairs). Amongst others.

We've got the 'Footage and Firkin' in Manchester and, all things considered, it really isn't a very good pub.

We have the Firmament and Firkin in High Wycombe. But us students don't seem to go there much - it's got music, but not really a good place to boogie. So now you know. Long may this info enlighten your life.

The one in York is called the "Phallanx and Firkin" which, after a pint, sounds less like a unit of Roman soldiers and more like a male organ.

Either way - Like the "oirsh" chains, the Firkin thing has grown into an uncontrolable monster. The even have Firkin Offies now!

Also-Why do they bother thinking up "Themed" names for all their beers when we know it's the same muck the land over?

Frotter and Firkin anyone?

Or (in keeping with the rude theme, but not the F thing)
The Mirkin & Firkin!

Sorry to be a bore, but I can honestly claim not to know what this Firkin Fuss is all about - living in rural parts, I've never (yet) come across a "Firkin" pub. When our local pubs decline, they just close or turn into restaurants - the chains aren't interested in buying them up and changing their names.

The sad decline of our rural hostelries does leave me with the question, would a Firkin Pub be better than no Firkin pub ar all?

I offer the

Phrenologist & Firkin in sunny Slough

-- I seem to remember the Pheasant & Firkin (near the Angel in London) was alright in the early eighties (god, I'm getting old, I'm talking about my youth .... I'll soon be saying 'the young of today, they've never etc....')


Tigger

What is a phrenologist anyway?

A real headcase !

Tigger

*clears throat in readiness for a long and possibly very complicated explanation*

A phrenologist is someone who can supposedly find out the personality and future events of another person by feeling the bumps and undulations on their head.

Personally I'm far more in favour of retro-phrenology, whereby you define what a person is like by giving then the relevant bumps on the head. Of course you'd need a set of *very* precise hammers and mallets.

Like I said - a *real* headcase !

Tigger

We have a *Fitchit and Firkin* in Northampton. The pub was once one of the most notorious there, a true *bikers* pub where just about anything was available. It was raided by the police on a regular basis, but we all still loved to frequent it for the subtle mixture of beer,oil and *interesting substances* aroma which greeted you as you walked through the door The pub was called *The King Billy* and anyone worth their salt still refers to *lets do a Billy tonight* rather than *Shall we go to the Fitchit and Firkin*
Luckily, this is one pub that the infamous *Fitchit* chain having managed to ruin, although the choice of beer these days leaves much to be desired!
shazzPRME

Someone once told me, possibly apocryphally, that the Firkin company was going to a lot of trouble to restore an old warplane and install it in one of their establishments, just so they could legitimately rename it the Fokker and Firkin.

Oh, the forced humour just goes on and on...

ROFL!!
I had my farewell to England psrty the the above-mentioned pub and guess what!? They have renamed it *The King Billy*... or *The William 4th* depending on which entrance you use! The beer was pretty damned good too
shazz

It seems to be regaining its atrophied character. There are more bikers coming in and it is the better for it. See you there on Friday? All of you!!!!!!

Damn!! 10 weeks too late! It is a bit too far to travel to for a good Friday night out!I'm pleased to hear that it is flourishng though.
shazzPRME

Footnote to all this Firkin business.

The Firkin Brewery Company has now sold off all its brewing and retail outlets.

The only Firkin pub in Preston is now a fizzy keg-only outlet.

Shame