Come On Down (Literally)
Created | Updated Jun 17, 2023
Come On Down (Literally)
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If he had been remotely capable of remorse or sympathy, he may have admitted he was a little quick to fly off the handle with the young PR consultant.
May have grudgingly admitted the tiniest grunt of thanks. The simple fact was, although the latest marketing campaign was a little left field, the advert sickeningly cheesy, (all fluttering flags, grandma's apple pie and the Pursuit of Happiness), it had promise. A lot of promise.
Enough to turn the gloomy forecast graph numbers onto a rapidly climbing uphill trajectory.
The slightest thought concerning the unlucky PR schmuck, currently repenting at leisure on the seventh floor, would never cross his mind. Ever. (Literally, ever.)
The slick TV campaign, radio ads, magazine and print spreads, were nothing however compared to the click-bait content that was flooding the Internet even now.
Influencers, keen to repay favours, hawked the scheme with a vigour that instantly convinced anyone stupid enough to be influenced by them in the first place.
Millions already, keen to grab what was on offer, heedless of the cost. Hell, he could've charged tenfold and these idiots would still be biting his hand off.
Greed.
Simple human greed and the power of advertising had won out.
All those years of clandestine operations, deals within deals, fear, shame, intimidation, temptation, downright lies, and the biggest boost to a flagging industry had been to literally throw the bloody (literally) Gates open and let the greedy literally see what they were in for.
No.
Let them literally CHOOSE what they were signing up for. No sleight-of-hand, no small print in Latin, what you see is what you get…..eventually.
But that infernal quote, right at the beginning of the infomercial really got his blood boiling (literally).
'The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.'
Trick!
Bloody trick? Who did they think they were talking about, bloody David Copperfield?
He hoped he'd have the opportunity to personally meet every single putz who was remotely involved with that movie. Usual bloody Suspects indeed. He'd show them down to seven himself! (Literally.)
A very quick edit by what was left of the PR/Marketing Team, and the new advert was ready to roll.
But the title, the headline, the hook?
'Heck Ain't A Bad Place To Be!'
A raised brow over one lava-filled eye.
'Heck? Really? Seven BILLION on offer and I get 'HECK'?'
'We, erm, thought, with respect Sir, the erm, Bible Belt, keen to address the demographic without appearing…..'
Three more copywriters were shown the lift. Red numerals glowing. -2,-3,-4,-5,-6,-6,-6, -7.
'Eternal Choices? A Hell of an Afterlife? 25 years of Heaven - After-party in Hades?'
'Hell…not as awful as Hull?' (another went down south.)
'24 million already signed up, Sir!' a brief pause, '28 mil! In one hour!'
'Get a bloody move on. I want a working title by close tonight or it's back to "Come on Down - The Price is Light". I'll have to buy the bloody rights, and you're all fired. (Literally) - heavy on the fire!'
Lucifer watched the numbers rocket.
A visit to Hell, see the sights, a guaranteed quarter of a century of anything you desired and, the icing on the cake; the choice of how you wanted to be tormented (literally) forever. (Some of the early requests had almost made HIM blush!)
End of trading and almost a quarter of a billion souls had enrolled, heedless of the horrendous Terms and Conditions, and willingly paying for the privilege to boot!
Advertising.
Now THAT was the greatest trick he'd ever pulled! (Literally.)
