There's been a lot said recently about the importance of conflict to a narrative. What we should probably be talking about is not conflict, but complication. Not every complication is an out-and-out conflict. Complications are pretty much whatever happens between here (start of the story) and there (stopping place, at least until the sequel comes out).

I would argue that most of the plots of most of the stories people consume – read, watch, listen to on their audiobooks, generally snap up like popcorn – have more or less the same plot. To wit: a person or persons set out to do something. They might want to cross the street, go to the moon, get married, or organise an event in a 25,000-seat stadium. Whatever it is, they encounter obstacles. In the end, they get where they were going. The story is what happens in between.

Of course, it is possible that they don't get where they're going. This kind of story is either a) very uplifting, as it shows that the characters have Learned and Grown, and changed their goals, b) a tragedy, which means it's probably Intellectual, and not worth the time of most of the people reading this, or c) Titanic.

Let's stick to a), and see what we can learn about the complications of plot.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Mailbox

Now, you may think that the stories you prefer to read are very specific in their outlook. You may be an avid consumer of romance, detective fiction (hard-boiled or cozy), science fiction, fantasy, urban fantasy, Young Adult Fiction (which is always capitalised, for some reason), cyberpunk, steampunk, the elusive 'mainstream fiction', or transvestite pornography. You may imagine that those genres are mutually exclusive. Basically, though, they usually follow the structure of, 'Character wants to do something, character encounters obstacles, character eventually gets to goalpost.' Even if the goalpost involves sequins and size-13 shoes.

Tell me what story I'm describing:

1. Naïve but enormously self-centred young woman has her heart set on the most attractive, high-status male in the district, but he has another love interest: his cousin. War intervenes. After going through several husbands, self-centred woman discovers that she doesn't want the high-status male anymore, possibly because he is no longer so high-status and is rather the worse for wear. She decides to settle for her latest husband, who by now is thoroughly disgusted with her and leaves. Woman has new goal. If we have any sense, we won't read any of the sequels.
2. A private detective's partner is killed on assignment. The detective takes up with a suspicious-acting but attractive woman. The woman tells him many, many lies, and he meets quite a few unsavoury characters, all of them suspects. They are looking for a particularly ridiculous McGuffin. People get killed, and the McGuffin turns out to be a fake. The detective turns the lying femme fatale in to the police. He has achieved his goal: to avenge his partner's death. We were just forced to sit through the rest of the nonsense.
3. A retired Englishwoman moves to the Cotswolds in search of a pleasant life among her peers. She enters a local baking contest – alas, the store-bought quiche she duplicitously enters not only doesn't win, but kills one of the judges. She investigates, and embarks on a new career as detective novel heroine.

Answers at the bottom of the page.

What Do We Do with This Useless Information?

Well, that's always the question, innit? The discovery that 99.9% of the fiction you're reading is probably as unedifying as the sports you're missing on telly while you're wasting your time with a book in front of your nose isn't particularly helpful. Next week, I'll attempt, however feebly, to rectify this oversight by talking more about a different approach to storytelling.

In the meantime, however, consider this: why do you think we read these things? We all do it. Our thresholds for meaningless drivel may differ. Our toleration for ridiculous plot twists may go up and down depending on the skill of the writer and our mood of the moment. When it comes to genre, our mileage may vary. But all of us enjoy something in the line of 'Character tries to open fridge, but Stuff Happens.'

For me, the standard is simple: either I learn something along the way, or I laugh my head off. What's yours?

Answers to Plot Summaries

1. Gone With the Wind.
2. The Maltese Falcon.
3. Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death, by MC Beaton. MC Beaton is a pen name of Marion Chesney, a writer so brilliant she got the Editor to read no fewer than three Regency Romance novels. She ribs the product a lot.

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Dmitri Gheorgheni

05.03.18 Front Page

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