This week Paralympian Dame Tanni Grey Thompson tweeted to ask her disabled followers if they felt included in society. I only know this myself because a woman I follow replied to say that she didn't even feel included in society as a carer. Thinking about this it occurred to me that there is vast difference between the praise heaped upon carers in the media and the extent of recognition they get in life generally. So what exactly am I after?

The first thing I would like is for people to know we are there. I know people are aware of the existence of carers, but do you actually know any? Well there are around 7 million carers in the UK, which is around one in ten, so the chances are you know at least one. I wrote here a few weeks ago about a couple of colleagues discovering that my wife was disabled and asking if I was her carer. Does that often happen to other carers? I'd love to know. In my experience the information only comes out if I chose to share it. As you may have gathered from my recent posts, I'm not over fond of blowing my own trumpet. Not out loud, anyway.

So in my world where everyone knows who the carers are, what next? I would now like people to understand what it is that our carers actually do. Of course this varies hugely, not least on the basis of what the person being cared for actually needs. It's also a little tricky because, certainly in the UK, it is not done to start quizzing people are things like illnesses. Let's start by aspiring to the idea that your boss would want to know about your caring role. Not intrusively, of course, but they would invite you to keep them up to date with what was involved for you so that they could successfully complete my third objective.

Tick number three can be added to your little book if you understand the aspect which is, to me, most crucial: what impact caring has. Today, for reasons that I may bore you with later, I am tired, stressed and fed up before I even get in to work. It would be great if someone at work understood that I may currently be having a difficult time doing my other job. Similarly, a colleague of mine served a somewhat frazzled and bewildered lady who didn't seem to know whether she was coming or going. At length she explained that her husband had developed Senile Dementia and that she was having to do jobs she had never even thought of before. I wished I could have been the one to serve her, so that I could have tried to offer her the empathy she seemed to need. It's not always understanding that is necessary, or indeed possible, just awareness of another person’s struggle.

So thanks for reading this week (and every other week). Please go out and try to be aware of carers around you. Americans: I believe your culture it is relatively easy to encourage people to tell you all about themselves, even if you don't want them to. For those of you who belong to more introverted nations, just take what interest you can. Let them know you care too.

benjaminpmoore

17.11.14 Front Page

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