Writing Right with Dmitri: A Google Challenge
Created | Updated Jul 8, 2012
Words, words, words. That's what we're made of. Herewith some of my thoughts on what we're doing with them.
Writing Right with Dmitri: A Google Challenge
Last night, I watched a delightful little film from last year, and it gave me an idea about us and writing practice. First, let me tell you about the film, which you may want to watch.
It's called The Decoy Bride. And no, it isn't Romanian New Age Cinema. I know you expect me to watch nothing but boring, intellectual films, but I'm going to disappoint here: this film is a British romantic romp with a light-weight and totally improbable plot, a lot of talented actors, and some gorgeous scenery. Ignore the snobbish critics: The Decoy Bride is one of those quirky projects pasted together with local grants, I suspect from the film company titles. CinemaNX? Really? And something about Ecosse? The result: the story takes place on an island in the Outer Hebrides, but was filmed on the Isle of Man and in some Scottish castle. The film's not taxing to watch. Awix, our keen film reviewer, would probably hate it. There's no CGI at all, and the only fight choreography occurs when Hamish Clark attacks David Tennant in some heather. (Jason Statham has nothing to worry about, believe me.)
The set-up: Wildly desirable US film star Lara Tyler (Alice Eve) has chosen a mate: dorky English novelist James Arber (David Tennant). The reason? James is responsible for Lara's favourite novel, a weighty tome entitled The Ornithologist's Wife. Lara has memorised every blessèd sentence of this monumentally overwritten yarn, set on the island of Hegg. James, on the other hand, is longing to forget he ever wrote it, and has writer's block about his next book. Lara and James want a quiet wedding, but Lara is besieged by paparazzi, so her manager comes up with the genius idea of moving the wedding to Hegg. Lara is delighted. . .
James, not so much. For one thing, James has never set foot on Hegg before. As Lara's manager disgustedly remarks, 'He googled the whole background.' The manager makes this sound like a crime. James comes to find out that the Hegg Book Club only gave his masterpiece 4 out of 10, partly because the book is 'soulless', and partly because James's version of Hegg bears little or no resemblance to the real place, apart from its being an island in the Atlantic.
The real Hegg has no rare birds for the Ornithologist and his Wife to gawk at. There is a castle, sure, but it's not full of stuffed owls. On the other hand, there's an ancient and haunted public toilet with the ghost of a drowned cow. The average age of the 75 inhabitants is. . . about 75. They're a feisty bunch. Oh, and the place is famous for its hedgehogs and odd local customs.
Of course James falls in love with Decoy Bride Katie (Kelly MacDonald). Of course everything works out in the most delightful way possible – but not until somebody utters that fateful line:
'Write what you know.'
In the end, Katie writes a guidebook to the real Hegg, ghost cow and all, and James writes about his broken heart. The head paparazzo, an Italian, exhibits his collection of hedgehog photos and meets the girl of his dreams at the gallery. (Guess who?) All is well.
The Mission, Jim, Should You Choose to Accept It
Here's my challenge: go googling.
Pretend you're James and you don't take that advice. Find an obscure place you know nothing about. Google it. Study its profile, its customs, its layout. It could be exotic and remote, like Katmandu or Timbuktu, or merely obscure, like Mule Shoe, Texas. Find out what you can, using only internet resources.
Then write a short story set in this unfamiliar locale. Incorporate as much of your new-won knowledge as possible. Make your tale adventurous. Or make it romantic. Or thoughtful. Or science fiction. Or whatever. . .
As the Decoy Bride herself says, 'Oh, my God, I'm at the Ornithologist's wedding. Well, it could be worse, I could have been at Steven King's. . . '
When you've written your story, post it to the Alternative Writing Workshop and leave a note at the bottom of this page. We'll have fun reading, and, sneaky me, we'll have some future copy for the Post. Who knows? Maybe somebody from the place you're describing will turn up and rate your take on their hometown.
Oh, and get The Decoy Bride, if you can. It's a pleasant way to spend an evening.
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