The Art of Westphalian Cheese Toasting Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything

The Art of Westphalian Cheese Toasting

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Bread and Dutch Cheese - photograph by Lanzababy

For aeons, or at least since it was invented, people have been eating cheese. Many of them were Westphalian. (The people, not the aeons.) And because mere cheese lacks inventiveness, bread was added. This Entry is about making the perfect cheese sandwich1.

Do not Nibble!

The basic recipe requires two essential ingredients, which are bread and cheese. Depending on where you come from, your image of bread may differ from the one premised in this entry. Your bread should be a white square with a thickness of one third inch.

The preferred cheese is a Dutch one, like Gouda. It should neither be too young nor too old, since young cheese has not yet developed the depth of flavour we appreciate, and the old cheese will lose some of its aroma in the toasting process.

Moreover, you should be an owner of a microwave - the more powerful, the better.

First, you will toast the bread. Make sure it is getting just a little colour and does not harden too much. If you cannot bend it without breaking it, it will be lost for your purposes.

Second, prepare the cheese. It has to be toasted separately. Put a reasonable amount on a plate and microwavify2 it. Be generous with heat. The amount of time in the microwave differs from cheese to cheese - once you select the sort of cheese you like most, you will have to calibrate your microwave3. You will need between two and three minutes on maximum power, but less is recommended when toasting an older cheese. The puddle of hot cheese must be hard and crunchy on the sides and gooey in the middle.

Combine cheese and bread. The bread has to be soft (see above) because it has to adapt itself to the brittle cheese. The latter will otherwise not stay in place. If you prefer hard bread under normal circumstances, you may add mayonnaise, but purists would not dare to sully the combination of bread and cheese in such a manner.

Congratulations! You made a semi-perfect cheese sandwich. The above mentioned purists will eat it straight away, unaccompanied. You may add salad or other anomalies without hurting the feelings of the sandwich perfectionists.

For Those with more Patience or Less Hunger

The advanced recipe requires a little more patience. The trick is to toast one half of the cheese longer than normal. This half has to be crumbled in small, crunchy bits. Afterwards melt the second half so that it is fluid but not crispy. Mix the liquid and solid parts and let it toast another thirty seconds.

Eat it.


If you do not, you may have forgotten to put the cheese onto the bread. This article's instructions are rather guidelines than strict rules. The perfect cheese sandwich has to come out of your own experience.

1Although this alternative version is worth reading.2The Peer Reviewers loved this use of English here. Please don't write into Editorial Feedback and quibble!3You can also use your microwave and some cheese to perform this experiment.

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