Posted: 16^th May 2011

I hope you people are having fun out there.

I hope spring is treating you well, and that you had a glorious time at the h2g2 Meet, and that all your bicycle sprockets are going a-pocket-a-pocket-a-queep. I hope Hootooers everywhere are enjoying themselves.

Bah, humbug.

The entire staff went gallivanting off, and left me to mind the store. The rest of you lot refused to send in any copy. You see the unfortunate result below. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. You are despicable.

I'm sure everything will be fine next week. Once Bel is back at the helm, the entries will just come flooding in – exciting travelogues, inspirational art, humour, literature, di ganze megillah. Pah. I know it was something I said. *sob*

The least you can do is read the latest installment of Bel's trip to Turkey. It's brilliant, and it tells you more about the toilets of antiquity than you ever thought you wanted to know. Awix, bless him, went above and beyond in his determination to bring us top-flight entertainment criticism. (You owe him a vote of gratitude: my backup entry involved Thor, and had a lot of Old Norse in it.)

For the rest, you could at least pretend to read it, you insufferable gits.

Bel, I washed the windows and took out the trash. Ignore what the postman says – it wasn't me, I wasn't there, and he's lying, I swear...

Dmitri Gheorgheni

• Gheorgheniplex


NASA wants a petrol station in space. Nigel's friends are ready. Moon pies, anyone?

• Saucer of Jam


Aliens invite the A-List to go for a ride. But where to?

• Bel In Turkey


Bel finds the loo in Ephesus.

• 10 Things to Do When You're Left 'In Charge' at the Post


Says it all, really. I don't know what Bel's gonna say.

MY SINUSES CAME BACK FROM ARIZONA

• 24 Lies a Second


Awix is there when they Attack the Block.

• The Acrostic Poetry Challenge


Pollen is the subject. Warning: Not suitable for young readers.

• Eating In with Dmitri


In the absence of a restaurant review, you get drivel about my kitchen.

• The Hootoo Home of Today


A reprise of Terri's recipes.

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