h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well,the writer forgot to mention the phases of what dumpee's go trough..lets go trough them now:

Phase 1:Beliving its just a seriouse case of crossed wires

A person[dumpee]belives it was all just a horid case of miscommunication and that he/she/it was not meant to be the recipient of

Phase 2:Planning to get her/him/it back into a relationship

This is a very,very,very confusing stage because researchers can't agree if the subjects are acting the re-union because they have feelings or merely to dump the person that dumped them.Its quite stupid actually

Phase 3[my favourite]: Planning the revange

A person tries to get the person that dumped them back by doing something that is mindshateringly stupid[joining the Army,Royal Marines or RAF just to show her/him/it] or my variation on the subject joining the French Foreign Legion to get away from it all.

Phase 4: Finding a partner that looks like her/him/it

This is even dumber phase the phase 3 because the person willfully goes out to find someone that resembles physicly to her/him/it and convinces him/her/it self that they were in love with the partner even before they met him/her/it

Final Phase[Giving up] During this phase you just realise that the phrase you were looking for all the time rimes with Cluncking Bell and just give up on love all together

addition to phase 4:

This can be espeically troublesome if your new partner who may happen to look like your previous affection may be insulted when they find out that they look like a "replacement" for your former affection. This can lead back to being dumped over again. Avoid at all costs!

Fatwa : Child Custody (Residence) & Contact (Access)

If and when a marriage unfortunately comes to an end, the problems of the parties involved should not in any way affect the children. Children are a trust (amanah) from Allah Most High and they should be treated and looked after in a proper manner.

They have many rights, of which two are of utmost importance: to receive proper care and love, and the other proper upbringing (tarbiyah). These rights of a child cannot be fulfilled except with the joint endeavour of the parents. The love, care and attention of the mother are just as important as the upbringing and training of the father.

In light of the above, divorce should definitely be avoided as much as possible, especially in the case where there are children involved. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

“Divorce is the most hated of all lawful (halal) things in the sight of Allah.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2178)

Divorce shakes the throne of Allah therefore all avenues of reconciliation must be looked at before considering divorce. However, if divorce did take place, and both parties demand their rights, then the right of custody will be in the following way. We as Muslims must not follow the Jewish religion where custody of the children always goes to the mother regardless of the age or sex of the child. It should be remembered here that there is nothing wrong in making a mutual arrangement, as long as there is no objection from those who have a right to custody:

The mother has a right of custody for a male child until the child is capable of taking care of his own basic bodily functions and needs, such as eating, dressing and cleaning himself. This has been recognized at seven years of age. This is also the age where both parents should have “Shared Residency (Custody)” of the child.

Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“The custody of a male child is the right of the mother until the child is capable of taking care of his own self. This has been approximated at seven years of age, and the Fatwa (legal verdict) has been issued on this age, as normally children are able to take care of themselves at this age.” (See: Radd al-Muhtar, 3/566)

In the case of a female, the mother has this right of custody until she reaches puberty. This has been declared at nine years of age. (al-Mawsili, al-Ikhtiyar li ta’lil al-mukhtar, 3/237) This is also the age where both parents should have “Shared Residency (Custody)” of the female child.

The right of custody will be taken away from the mother if she:

1) Leaves Islam,

2) Openly indulges in sins such as adultery and there is a fear of the child being affected,

3) She does not attend to the child due to her leaving the house very often,

4) She marries a non-relative (stranger) to the child by which the child may be affected,

5) She demands payment for the upbringing of the child if there is another woman to raise the child without remuneration.

In the above cases (when the mother no longer has the right to custody), this right then transfers to the following, in order:

a) Maternal grandmother, and on up;

b) Paternal grandmother, and on up;

c) Full sisters,

d) Maternal half sisters,

e) Paternal half sisters,

f) Maternal aunts,

g) Paternal aunts,

After all the avenues of the female have been exhausted as explained by the Jurists, the males have the right of custody in the following sequence:

a) Father,

b) Paternal grandfather,

c) Real brother,

d) Paternal brother,

e) Maternal brother,

The reason for this is that, in the early years, the mother and the other female relatives are more suitable for raising the young child (regardless of sex) with love, mercy, attention, and motherly care. The male child after reaching the age of understanding (7) is in need of education and acquiring masculine traits, which is why he is then transferred to the father. The female child, after reaching the age of understanding is in need of being inculcated with female traits, which she receives by living with her mother. After reaching puberty, she is in need of protection, which the father offers.

In a Hadith recorded by Imam Abu Dawud in his Sunan, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said to a woman who complained that her husband was intending to take her child away from her: “You are more rightful of the child as long as you don’t marry.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2276 & Mustadrak al-Hakim, 2/207)

It should also be remembered that after the transferral of custody from the mother to the father, the boy remains in the custody of the father until puberty, at which point, if he is mature and wise according to his father, he is free to choose with whom to live, or to live on his own. As for the girl, custody remains with the father until she marries. (See: Qadri pasha, Hanafi articles, 498 & 499) It is preferable to have “Shared Residency (Custody)” until the child becomes an adult unless there is an objection and the Fatwa comes into existence. Another point to note is that family lineage is through the father in Islam and therefore the child must be near to him.

Irrespective of who (mother/father) has the right of custody, the other party has visitation and contact rights according to mutual understanding and consent. Generally, the party having the rights of custody use the child as a weapon to punish the other party by depriving them of visitation and contact rights. This is totally against the concept of Islam and a severe, brutal and grave sin indeed, and also very harmful to the child. Unfortunately, many so-called “religious” people are also involved in this heinous act. Contact and relationship with both parents helps the child with their psychological and emotional needs; helps them improve their well-being, self-confidence and self-esteem; helps them share and understand their religious, cultural and ethnic background; helps correct their distorted perceptions about family relationships and makes sure they are comfortable and safe from the harmful effects of divorce. All children want to have a good relationship with both parents.

At all times, the father of the child is responsible for maintaining the child; in the case of a female, until she marries; while in the case of a healthy male, until he reaches maturity. In the case of a disabled child (male or female) the father is permanently responsible. “Anta wa-maluka li-abika” [You and your property are for your father (to use) ] said the prophet (pbuh) referring to the child’s property to help parent’s financially if difficulty arises.

When the mother has the rights of custody but does not have a shelter to stay in with the child, the father must provide shelter for both. (See: Radd al-Muhtar of Ibn Abidin).

The Human Rights Act 1998 has been fully in force in the United Kingdom since 2 October 2000. The broad effect of this Act is to require that UK Domestic Law is interpreted, and that public authorities, including CAFCASS, act in a manner that is compatible with the European Convention on Human Rights.

The European Convention on Human Rights contains "Articles". Article 9: Freedom of thought, conscience and religion states that:

· Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief, in worship, teaching, practice and observance.

· Freedom to manifest one's religion or beliefs shall be subject only to such limitations as are prescribed by law and are necessary in a democratic society in the interests of public safety, for the protection of public order, health or morals, or for the protection of the rights and freedoms of others.

If we follow the Islamic Shariah then the government agencies have to respect our religion and this Fatwa. It is important for us Muslims to refrain from jesting with the Laws of Allah; we are at all times to treat them with utmost reverence; this is the basic requirement of faith. Allah's laws of marriage and divorce are meant to safeguard us against evils inherent in our souls and restrain us from our wayward behaviours and attitudes. Therefore, in order to benefit from them, we need to apply them in accordance with their original intents and purposes. For those who have not mutually, amicably agreed in the best interests of the children and do not abide will incur the wrath of Allah.

And Allah Knows Best
Muhammad Islam
The UK Islamic Shariah Organisation, London

Fatwa updated August 2004