Weekly Sermon from the Church of Adams and the Continuum of Life
Created | Updated Jul 16, 2002
This week's sermon comes from High Priest Wotchit.
"Dear Congregation. I have chosen for this week's sermon the growing problem of fremantling.
Many of you will not know quite what I mean. Well, I have the Prophet Adams's definition of the word:
Fremantle (vb.)
To steal things not worth the bother of stealing. One steals cars, money and silver. Book matches, airline eyepatches and individual pot of Trust House Forte apricot jam are merely fremantled.
Seriously, no one really cares. I hear you say. No? Then why are you here? It is because you feel the pull, the attraction of the Prophet. You know his teachings are correct, though - you sometimes deel - contrary to common sociological theories.
So, you see, fremantling is something you must hear about. You must realise that it only seems that frmantling is unimportant because of your mindset. If so we must change your mindset. Is that not we are here for? The Prophet Adams did not complete his divine task. So, we must make do with what we have of his knowledge to advance our society in moral strength.
What we do know of his knowledge of fremantling. I will now disclose to you. In his relation of the tale of a certain Svlad Cjelli also known as Dirk Gently he does teach us various things. In the fremantling of: 1 cup of coffee
and 1 best-selling novel he manages to uncover a mystery deeper than Poseidon's eyes. If you wish to discover more of this uncanny proof of the interconnectedness of all things, submerge yourself in the Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul.Do not take this as a command from another dimension to start fremantling like a frantic frog!I mentioned earlier that spirit is key to the action of fremantling. If you wrongly interpret the Prophet then you shall become frutal1. Thus, now you understand that it is no laughing matter fremantling sugar packets or even (mice forbid) turning a newspaper into a corfe2, which though it does not constitute fremantling you may compare it to reading a magazine/newspaper in a newsagents before not buying it.
I hope you are now persuaded to take a tougher stance towards fremantling. Adams go with you and fear not for a fremantler will mereley be lightly embarassed if confronted in the act of fremantling.
Go forth, and tell what you have heard today to the frutal fremantlers.
Go back to The Church of Adams and the Continuum of Life.
1Frutal (adj.): Rather too eager to be cruel to be kind.2Corfe (n.): An object which is almost totally indistinguishable from a newspaper, the one crucial difference being that it belongs to somebody else and is unaccountably more interesting than your own - which may otherwise appear to be in all respects identical.
Though it is a rule of that a train or other public place may contain any number of corfes but only one newspaper, it is quite possible to transform your own perfectly ordinary newspaper into a corfe by the simple expedient of letting someone else read it.
Though it is a rule of that a train or other public place may contain any number of corfes but only one newspaper, it is quite possible to transform your own perfectly ordinary newspaper into a corfe by the simple expedient of letting someone else read it.
