Firstly a big thank you to all those who commented in the conversation forums below last weeks Horror Scope. It had been such a long time since anyone had written anything that I was beginning to think that no one read this anymore. It was nice reading your comments, and in particular Genie who was baffled to read a prediction that seemed to be true!!! Who would have believed it?


'They're coming, they're coming home!!'

Yes indeed they are, and no doubt already back in England now. I know its old news, but I couldn't let this column go by without mentioning the lads, and their crushing defeat in the Quarter Finals of the World Cup. You did well, I for one are proud of you.

The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.

For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25^th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.

There have been a couple of queries in the last few weeks about what happens if you have rejoined h2g2 with a brand new number, and do not know your original number. The answer to that is easily solved, use your new one. If on the other hand, you know the date
of your last joining, and want to know which date to use. Then that is just as easy to answer, pick the one that you want to use, there's nothing I love more than people deciding their own destiny.

JANUARY

The Melted Cheese on the Toast heeds me to tell you that you will require patience this week. If you rush into things without thinking your actions through properly, you may end up with more than your bargained for and a burnt mouth to boot!!


FEBRUARY

The Whingy Board has a message for you from a person who I am 99.9 percent sure is female, but the moustache is throwing me off a little.

'Hmmm, looks like it is hereditary after all.'


MARCH

A large beach ball will lead you on quite an adventure this week, maybe it would be better if you didn't blow it up before putting it in your suitcase...


APRIL

Your bad habits are beginning to annoy people around you, maybe its time to rethink the way you act in public. Picking your nose and breaking wind loudly may impress your mates, but not everyone likes to see or indeed hear it.


MAY

The water at the bottom of the Toilet Bowl is looking particularly turbulent of late, it might be caused by the strong presence of Uranus overlooking the situation. Be prepared for strong undercurrents to issue forth and cause massive shifts in the movements of tranquillity.


JUNE

There was a h2g2 researcher in June,

Who thought that it would be fun to eat a balloon.

With each breath they did take

They swelled till they ached
Until they expanded to the size of the moon.


...and then they popped!!! Heed this warning...


JULY

You are feeling a little jumpy of late, and nervous of new situations, in fact a slight noise could make you jump out of your skin. Luckily, there will be a kind person to pick it up for you and you will be able to put it back on again in short order.


AUGUST

The Mystic Dreams of the Dalmatian Dog reveal that a chance you missed out on before will return to give you another go. Do not fall asleep this time!!


SEPTEMBER

The Tiddly Winks show that the time to conquer the world is nigh, you must be ruthless in your dictatorship. So. Everyone will hate you and you will be the most despised person in history, what do you care?

Oh, you do care... hmmm... you'd better forget it then.


OCTOBER

A chance encounter with someone you don't know yet will lead to an encounter with a stranger who you have never met until you meet them in an encounter that you will have by chance soon.


NOVEMBER

A watermelon, a rubber duck and an odd shaped potato will be much in your thoughts this week. Try not to let them distract you to much, as you will need all your wits about you on Monday.


DECEMBER

A large rodent will pop up in your life this weekend, something strange will happen. The next day a large rodent will pop up in your life and something strange will happen. The following day a large rodent will pop up in your life and something strange will no doubt
happen. The day after that a large rodent....

Hmmm... it seems you will be reliving a day in your life over and over again from this weekend, I am sure it is only a temporary thing, and that normal service will be resumed shortly.

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