The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated Jun 5, 2002
On a whim last Monday, I decided to go and visit London1, thought I would make a little holiday for myself and stay overnight until Tuesday2. It was wonderful, it seemed as if the whole country had come to London to see me3, everyone kept waving flags at me4, and I felt very regal indeed.
One rather nice place even put on a rather wonderful fireworks display in my honour5 it seemed, and before that a brilliant concert, with lots of my bestest hero's playing and singing their little hearts out.
On the Tuesday, they held a big parade for me6, it was magnificent, so colourful and happy, I could hardly believe that the people of England and beyond could do this all for me7, what wonderful people you are8, I wubble you all9.
I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject, and if wanted I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual E-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me
mystic
[email protected].
The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
JANUARY
A football-sized, round object is much in your thoughts this week, in fact you are finding it hard to think of anything else. You will find yourself singing silly little songs, and waving your arms in the air for no apparent reason. Don't worry, in another couple of weeks or so, I predict everything will return to normal.
FEBRUARY
A word spoken in jest will open up a nest of vipers this week; you will have to do a great deal of apologising before the episode is ended. Remember in future to think before you speak, and things like this will not happen.
MARCH
The Whingy Board has an urgent message for you from someone who sat beside an old childhood friend of your mothers, who once ate a meal with a gentleman who wore a kilt.
'A nod is as good as a wink when a rolling stone gathers no moss'
APRIL
The night sky is clouded by the encompassing presence of Uranus, a strange sight indeed when witnessed through a telescope. Trying to keep your head down is not helping matters, do not bury it in the sand, be proud and hold you head up high, face the world with a smile, and Uranus will take care of itself.
MAY
I foresee a stay on an island paradise for you; you will meet a tall, dark stranger, who will fall instantly in love with you. He will come through great trials to be with you, and whisk you away on a trip to New York, he will even show you the heady heights of the Empire State Building.
Have no fear the he will make a monkey out of you, there's only room for the one ape in this relationship.
JUNE
Money troubles call on you this week, a slight miscalculation will cause you some concern, but have no fear, and everything will be sorted out by next week.
JULY
The Dregs at the bottom of the Coffee Cup reveal a long lost item will be found this weekend. Try to stay away from the colour green on Tuesday, it wears you ill.
AUGUST
I see a long journey ahead of you this weekend; as it will be a surprise given by a loved one, pretend that you hadn't already read about it here. Have a lovely time, and remember to send us all a postcard.
SEPTEMBER
The mists in the Crystal Ball parted to show a hectic scene occurring next week, round about mid week, or later, or indeed earlier. Just remember to keep your head, and things will calm down quickly, becoming settled by the following weekend.
OCTOBER
A loud knocking leads you to the door of success next week, something you have been working on for quite a while will finally be finished. Don't be afraid of the tin man, he only wants you to give him your heart.
NOVEMBER
An accident is waiting to happen in the second week of June, it may not be to you or someone you know, and in fact it may not even happen to anyone who is near you. But I do see an accident happening somewhere in the week ahead.
DECEMBER
Fruit will bring you luck this week, try to eat as much as possible, take fruit with you when you go out, wear it if possible, but please remember, this new eating regime may play up your digestive system a bit. Stay close to a place of relief.
DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent truthful. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent
of the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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Mystic Greebs
