A poignant moment arrived on the British political scene at the weekend. It was announced that, after suffering a series of minor strokes, Margaret Thatcher has ranted at us all for the last time. Her doctors have advised her to retire from public speaking, because the strain is now too much for her.

And so never again will we hear the voice that informed us that 'There is no such thing as society' - a line which always seemed to me to represent a perfect, succinct encapsulation of the meaning of evil. We won't hear that unique tone of voice again, the one that dripped condescension and contempt. If you entered a room when she was on TV, you didn't need to look at the screen to know that she was peering imperiously down her nose as she spoke.

Anyway, happy retirement, Maggie. Pity you couldn't have started it 23 years earlier, before you turned greed into Britain's new religion, destroyed British workers' rights, wrecked our public services and shattered my faith in my fellow Britons (after all, they kept voting for you). But better late than never.

The silencing of Thatcher comes at a time when her successors in the Conservative Party are engaged in a kind of demarcation dispute with the Labour Government. At the Conservative Party conference in Harrogate, Iain Duncan Smith angrily accused the Government of making life miserable for the poor and vulnerable. No wonder he was angry: that, after all, has traditionally been the Tories' job.

Amazingly, now they seem to trying to chase votes in the most deprived areas of Britain. In his speech at Harrogate, Duncan Smith described a visit to Easterhouse, an infamous estate in Glasgow. He told his fellow Tories:
'In a stairwell I saw a place where a child had been playing. A discarded teddy bear lay in the corner - a perfectly ordinary sight, Except that next to it lay the paraphernalia of a crack cocaine addict. What hope does that child have?'

It's interesting to note that Mr Duncan Smith is sufficiently familiar with crack cocaine culture to be able to recognise precisely what a crack user's equipment looks like. That degree of street wisdom is admirable. I wouldn't know crack paraphernalia if I saw it, and I worked in the music business for 10 years. It makes you wonder what was going on after hours in Harrogate.

After all, the Tories must be on something pretty powerful if they truly believe that anyone is going to buy this idea of them as the party of compassion, crusading for the underprivileged. They had 18 years in office in which to do something about the situation in places like Easterhouse if they wanted to. They didn't. They were too busy privatising everything in sight and attacking trade unions. Thatcher may be gone at last, but she isn't forgotten - and nor is the attitude she took towards those who could not benefit from the ruthlessly competitive society she so vigorously promoted. 'There must be losers or there can be no winners' was her line, if bitter memory serves.

Even so, despite the breathtaking nerve of this apparent Damascene conversion on the Tories' part, the fact that Duncan Smith is able to say such things is a damning reflection on the Government's record when it comes to helping the needy. The Tories may seem utterly absurd and lacking in credibility to most British voters - but they're still gaining ground in the opinion polls. The Government should be concerned about how such a thing can be possible. If people are turning to Duncan Smith, they really must be desperate for any sort of alternative.

As one who dabbles in journalism and generally strongly supports civil liberties, I hesitate before applauding the High Court's decision to award supermodel Naomi Campbell £3,500 damages against the UK tabloid The Daily Mirror for invasion of privacy.

But on reflection, I feel that if anything, the damages award is probably too low. It was reduced because the judge didn't believe part of Ms Campbell's testimony. In any case, she doesn't need the money - she's promised to donate it to charity. But I can well imagine tabloid editors looking at the award and feeling that a four-figure penalty was worth paying for a good front page story. True, in this case the Mirror had hefty legal costs to pay too - but they didn't have to contest the case.

And in this case, I really do feel that the Mirror's conduct was contemptible. They photographed Ms Campbell leaving a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, and infiltrated a reporter into the meeting.

If that isn't offensive invasion of privacy, what is? Drug addiction is a serious illness, and to intrude into a self-help group like that is tantamount to bugging a doctor's surgery in search of a story.

I have known people who've told me that their lives were saved by groups like Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous - and much of the effectiveness of such groups lies in the way that a sufferer can feel safe there, secure in the knowledge that the people in the meeting have had the same problem and are likely to be sympathetic. That magic will be destroyed if anyone with a high profile who needs help has to wonder whether that nice new person who's just joined the group might actually be Ron Hack from The Daily Sleaze.

Celebrities and addiction problems go together like journalists and hangovers, and the really disturbing thing about the Mirror's appalling behaviour in this case is that it might deter someone with a serious problem from seeking what is widely acknowledged to be one of the most effective forms of therapy in existence.

Mirror editor Piers Morgan is incensed by the verdict. He's called it 'a complete joke'. But the real joke here is the sight of someone like Morgan being self-righteous. Freedom of the press is a precious thing that should be strongly safeguarded when it applies to the revelation of genuinely important facts. But a celebrity's illness hardly falls into that category. The Mirror's story was grossly irresponsible, and thoroughly deserving of the court's censure.

This year's Oscar award ceremony was variously described as 'historic' and 'far too long'. But it certainly provided some talking points. I was personally particularly pleased to see the excellent Denzel Washington honoured as best actor, and the brilliant Shrek pick up the prize for best animation.

However, I feel that in many ways the alternative awards ceremony is just as interesting, if not more so. I refer, of course, to the Razzies - the Golden Raspberry awards for Tinseltown's most terrible turkeys.

Undisputed star of this year's show was comedian Tom Green, who picked up a whole basket of Razzies for his truly remarkable big-screen debut, Freddy Got Fingered. Green's awards included one for worst screen couple, which he shared with several animals. Freddy apparently depicts Green's character getting close to nature with both a horse and an elephant. (Actually, that elephant scene sounds like quite an impressive stunt). He is also seen cavorting inside the carcass of a deer, and drinking directly from a cow's udder. Clearly Green is a true animal lover, richly deserving of his awards - which, to his credit, he collected in person.

The worst actress award was won by a landslide, with 60 per cent of the Razzie academy votes going to Mariah Carey for her performance in the box-office flop Glitter. Truly, what a remarkable time it's been lately for Ms Carey; expensively dumped by her record company, and now the recipient of such remarkable recognition for her acting ability.

The Razzies also paid tribute to the recent remake of Planet Of The Apes, which won the award for worst remake or sequel, and featured the worst supporting actor and actress: Charlton Heston and Estella Warren.

Hollywood veteran and gun enthusiast Heston, who starred in the original 1968 version of Planet Of The Apes, was honoured for his appearance in the remake as an elderly ape who curses the ancient humans.

Warren, who first found fame as a synchronised swimmer before becoming a model and finally turning to acting, won a Razzie for her role in Apes and her performance in Sylvester Stallone's Driven, a performance described by Razzie organisers as
'the character equivalent of a hood ornament... in (a) formulaic Formula One drama.'

It seems unlikely that those behind the Razzies will ever run out of films and actors whose work merits the awards they bestow. After all, Britney Spears has just made her movie debut in Crossroads. Many of her British fans are bound to feel disappointed when they find out that it is not, in fact, a film version of the much-loved UK soap about the Crossroads Motel. According to reviewers, Crossroads is actually a formulaic teen-romance movie.

Well, now, whoever would have expected that from Britney?

Finally, as if Tony Blair wasn't facing enough criticism from disgruntled Labour back-benchers, here's news of a new protest against him from an organisation that h2g2's esteemed Editor might wish to join.

On May 1, The Beard Liberation Front plans to protest against Mr Blair by staging a mass beard waggle in London's Trafalgar Square. Around 200 of the BLF's hairy supporters are expected to attend.

Organiser Keith Flett has explained that the BLF feel personally affronted by Mr Blair's lack of facial fungus, and suspect that it may reveal a deep-seated prejudice against the hairy-faced.

'He is resolutely clean shaven and hostile to beards. Beards are seen to be left-wing, so his lack of facial hair reflects his political style,'

said Mr Flett.

I can't help feeling that this news might come as something of a surprise to David Blunkett and Robin Cook, both of whom have risen to Cabinet rank under Mr Blair despite being boldly bearded. But there's obviously no reasoning with The Beard Liberation Front. They're bristling with indignation.

Ormy's 'Notes' and Other Scribblings

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