h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As a light & sound techie devoted to amateur productions (Scunthorpe, Oxford, Birmingham) I can vouch for every single word of this article. Of course a sound techie has all the additional advantages of being able to crticise the theatre's amp crates (usually 20 years past their last safety test), run all sound effects from Sound-Forge on his lap-top, thereby losing all his friends and make horrific blarting noises while testing microphones, during rigging and (for added comedy value) during a romantic kiss on the Wednesday night.

I agree. This article really is close to the truth. Of course there is always the next level down from an amateur production; a school production. I am involved in these, oh what fun!

Good to see that amateur theatre doesn't change no matter where you practise it.

4 years of student theatre and I recognise every passage. Disappointed that the part of the technical run when you've actually managed to get as far as running through the first scene got left out. At this point, no matter how much you stress "run through" the actors get heavily involved in "acting" so when you shout "Stop there, and go onto Scene 2" they all get heavily offended and insist on continuing. Which wouldn't be so bad, but scene 2 doesn't start for another half hour and you don't have a lighting cue in between.

Ah, bitch bitch bitch, and I want to start making films instead. I must be mad.

Indeed, no matter where you are, the conditions seem to vary little. I well remember the night that the director of a rather lavish yet amateur production of Les Miz here in Canberra informed the cast that they would be assisting the bump out, information which was greeted with the indignant reply from one chorus girl that they weren't being paid, why should they have to help the crew? Pregnant pause ... "Believe it or not, we volunteer for this" came the barely contained response from one of the burlier members of the stage crew. Blissful silence. "Well, see you all at the party" said the director, who did, at dawn, after the food, free drink and cast had long gone.

Yep, that's the impression I got as well. Most of the cast thought we were "salaried". After all, why else would we be doing it?

Some socs. actually thought they were doing you a favour allowing you to work on their re-productions. Soon kicked them into touch.

As for run-throughs, we started blacking the stage as a subtle hint of when we'd seen enough. It didn't do any good, they still continued in the dark, as if suffering near terminal run-on. It's hard to stop a thesp who has a full head of steam up.

I have this wonderful quote from a director doing West Side Story as an ameteur (and turned out to be pretty good) production. I'd gone in to help with the get-in.

Later in the afternoon I'm sitting in the auditorium eating and she sits down next to me and we watch the hordes of people on stage, building and painting set, rigging lights and scaff; and she turns to me and says
"Why do they all wear such horrible clothes?"

As an ex-techie from amateur and school productions (primarily lighting, but once or twice on the sound mixing), I really ought to start a BSLTFH (Bastard Sound/Lighting Technician From Hell). His binding charter would be as follows...

1. He must kill as many members of the cast as possible.
2. He must expose (in the most literal of senses) people to humiliation etc.

It would be like an amateur dramatic version of BOFH (Bastard Operator From Hell - see http://bofh.ntk.net or http://freespace.virgin.net/david.cruickshank/bofh.html for the back issues)

Sound good fun?