Scottish Researchers' Halloween Meet, October 2005
Created | Updated Jan 24, 2006
The Scottish Researchers Group searched through their diaries and found a reason1 to get together and celebrate — again!
The H2G2 Hallowe'en Scotmeet!
Decisions were made, unmade, remade and made up; arrangements were sorted, forgotten and changed until finally everyone agreed to just turn up at the usual place, the usual time!
Roll-call
- Dr E Vibenstein
- U178076
- U204689
- U183316
- U94986
- Mina's mystery guest
- U104826
- U137089
- Fashion Cat's brother
- U166140
- U181271
Tradition dictates that the events of the Scotmeet are recorded for posterity by any of the attending researchers. However, the illegibility of 'The Log' does increase significantly in proportion to the number of pubs visited, the number of drinks consumed and the number of pages lost, not forgetting the occasional spillage!
The Log
As usual, we met in the Standing Order on George Street around 1.00pm. Afterwards, most of us went off for a suitably spooky tour, before reconvening in another pub — so plenty of spirits either way.
The following events took place (allegedly) in Edinburgh on 29th October, 2005.
13.11 - Zagreb catches fords kicking the parking meter outside the pub.
13.15 - The gang convenes in the Standing Order.
13.25 - After trying to stare people out to make them give up their seats, we're still standing. One woman engages fords in a game of 'stare-out'.
13.30 - EV gives up and heads for the bar.
13.35 - Ku'Reshtin turns up and steals a chair from an old man.
13.48 - EV finally returns from the bar.
14.02 - fords leaves to collect Mina and her mystery guest.
14.06 - DD and FC turn up. Game ruined2.
14.08 - Politics breaks out.
14.10 - Swedish cider prompts a discussion on the Swedish equivalent of The Wurzels.
14.17 - Jamie arrives and immediately heads for the bar.
14.26 - Musical chairs without music.
14.35 - Ku' produces beef jerky while waiting for food to arrive.
14.37 - American politics breaks out.
14.42 - Nutritional value of beef jerky is discussed.
15.02 - Inferior surf & turf arrives and is eaten by EV and Ku' against their will.
15.30 - fords returns with Mina and her mystery guest.
15.50 - More bitching about the quality of the surf & turf from earlier.
16.00 - There are varied discussions about women running around with almost no clothes on; file sharing; 10 MG broadband and the non-existence of benefits.
16.15 - fords and EV lose the power of coherent speech and dissolve into repeated cries of 'your mother'.
16.23 - Mina mentions Swedish porn and Ann Summers catalogues.
16.25 - fords' waffle finally turns up half an hour late.
16.37 - The advance party heads to the Royal Mile by car, picking up a parking ticket in the process.
16.42 - Ku' thinks people are winning from the cigarette machine.
16.52 - The rearguard leaves the pub.
17.08 - Group meets up again.
17.20 - Finally decided on The Tron pub after much discussion about hills.
17.30 - Zagreb adopts a Bruce Forsyth position.
17.31 - fords adopts an Edwyn Collins position3.
17.32 - Mina tries to put her hair up and strangely succeeds.
17.34 - Zagreb orders a coffee. Howls of derision etc.
17.36 - fords and EV have a screaming match. fords wins.
17.45 - DD suggests that fords and EV buy the BP refinery and turn it into a distillery.
17.47 - DD won't kiss EV's babies.
17.50 - Group heads off for spooky tour, except Zagreb who hangs around the pub.
19.22 - Spooky tour over, the gang convenes in some pub underneath Edinburgh.
19.35 - Good old debate about ghosties, ghouls4 and general weird stuff.
19.45 - Weird bloke comes over demanding 'time!'. In the absence of the words 'gentlemen please', we drink on.
19.54 - FC's bro dated Cowface.
19.55 - Cowface kills conversation.
19.59 - Mina opens a suspicious packet found in Ku's beef jerky.
20.00 - Mina empties the packet into not-quite-empty glass. 'Poisonous gloop must taste better than Magners.'
20.05 - 'Poultrygeist' carries Jamie off, leaving behind chicken scraps for Master B to lick.
20.11 - EV is confused by writing on both sides of the paper.
20.30 - The group invades an unsuspecting branch of Dave Hut.
21.03 - Ku' says he has no time for Hootoo anymore.
21.04 - Ku' bursts out laughing.
21.10 - Mort arrives and discusses mobile phones with fords, which turns into Monty Python conversation.
21.40 - Mort is upset that no one had a game about what time she would turn up. 
21.45 - Offers of dessert are declined as various researchers are worried about a 'Mr Creosote moment'.
22.00 - FC's bro arrives. He is astonishingly drunk.
22.06 - Mort calls us all a bunch of b******s - again - then tries to give us money.
22.09 - FC's bro miraculously passes the 'How many fingers am I holding up?' test.
22.15 - Mort, fords and EV discuss football - especially Hibs beating Hearts.
22.18 - fords decides that if everyone else is having pudding she wants one too. What, no Fundoos left?!
22.26 - Jamie and EV get fed up and go to find a pub, accompanied by Mort and Zagreb.
22.40 - Mort latches on to a nice young man called Jordan5 who lets us sit at his table.
22.45 - The others turn up at the pub.
22.50 - Mort and Jordan do the 'Hibee bounce'.
22.55 - Mort manages to send Jordan on his way with a wink from his friend.
22.56 - FC's bro (only slightly drunk) has an in-depth conversation with a fellow drunk bloke.
23.00 - Scottish Parliament building derided, even if it did win the RIBA Stirling prize.
23.03 - Something about bread, butter and burning.
23.20 - Ku' and Jamie depart for the last train home.
23.23 - FC and DD leave with her younger brother who can't hold his drink.
23.30 - fords escorts Mort to the ladies'.
23.31 - Zagreb says 'homo-erotic' for undetermined reasons.
22.39 - EV takes photographic record of drink of unknown origin.
23.40 - fords and Mort return. (10 minutes?)
23.42 - Mort challenges Mina to a Scottish spelling bee.
00.00 - Log runs out. Researchers disappear into the night.
Being such experts at these meets, the SRG managed not only to record the events on soggy bits of paper, but also capture the action as it happened on film. The official photographs6.
Erm?
Mina - I don't remember being challenged to a spelling bee, Scottish or otherwise. I can't have been that drunk, I kept not drinking by accident.
EV - It's in the log, so it must be true.
And finally...
...it is time to start planning the next Scotmeet!!
nothing.3This of course involves drinking orange juice.4But not goolies.5Not the one who married Peter Andre.6A special thanks to EV for allowing us to use his pictures.