h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Does anyone realise how annoying it is to work with someone who has never been nearer the East End than St Johns Wood, but thinks that this is a cool way to speak?

Go a mate who is well East End. He quite likes my Manc accent. But do know what you're saying about the dialect. And do you know why it's traffic 'jam'? Because we go round in jam jars (cars).

Well cool.

By the way, H2G2, It's "Luvvly jubbly", not "Luverly juverly".
Sorry to be pedantic about it. I just thought you might be from surrey, and therefore in need of correction.

I don't Adam n' Eve you about the traffic jam thing. It's called a traffic jam because the frog's all jammed up with motors, like a logjam.

Do me a lemon.

elephants - elephants ears - beers!
Toe-rag - slag!

'Arris = backside. The tortured route it takes is - 'Arris = Aristotle, Aristotle = Bottle, Bottle & Glass = Arse. The truoble with Cockneys is they have too much time on their brass bands!

or Brighton sands, or frying pans

... or comic sans! That's computer cockney, by the way.

....and bottle and glass is more a reference to stealing...
Computer cockney?? Now I've heard it all.
Any one got any new cockney (except the Pete Tong reference)

Jar-jar Binks - Drinks. Imagine the the scene ... "Bob, get the Jar-jars in!"

It's not cockney but it's great slang -
tits = waccamammas

... or Thr'pennies, as they say so charmingly in the East End. (Dahn va Ees En ov Lahndahn!)

Get the Britneys in lads.
Britney Spears = Beers.

Tea leaf = theif
Tea bag = ?

Arse = Kyhber, much less convoluted

Cheers, mines a pint of Nelson!
Nelson Mandela = Stella

Hurry up, then. I wanna get Brahms and Liszt.

And get us some pork scratchings while your there.
I'm Lee Marvin.

Sod this for a game of soldiers, I'm going for a Ruby.
(Ruby murray = curry)

Love to get the beers in me old china, but some feather plucker has half inched all me bees

Or Earthas.
Eartha Kitts = tits.
Or the much loved term Bristols.
Bristol Cities = titties.