It's a Matter of Time...

What ho! What ho! What ho! Welcome, my dear readers, to this, the
eleventh issue of Ask Prof, kindly brought to you by that most prolific of
online newspapers, the Post. As I said in last
issue, I will now return the column to its former self. That week's
was, of course, put forward as a mark of respect in light of the recent
tragedies in America. The week after that sadly missed this issue because of
a mix-up with e-mail addresses, so I apologise for that. And, of course,
there wasn't a Post last week, because of Shazz's ill health, but we're all
glad to see her well again.

Before we go on, however, I have great news! My time travelling exploits
have paid off, as I visited my good friend Irving Berlin and asked him to
make up a little ditty for this very column! If you want to hear the brand
new theme tune (meant to be the special feature of issue 10), pop on over to
this page to find the link! Or just click on the
logo above, of course...

Anyway, my friends, here I sit again, typing up what must surely be
another of my great works of scientific fact-finding prose. This week I
shall discuss with you the principal of time, not only in the sense of its
measurement (with particular reference to the San Beta Time System mentioned
in a previous issue), but also in its nature,
and how time travel can work. Ahem, I won't tell you how it is actually
possible, as that would let you all just potter about the timeline at
will, and we can't be doing with that, but I will give you all the inside
facts in the workings of the time stream.

I quote from issue 9: '...the planet of Gagranchia in the galaxy Ilsa
Gamma (known especially for its curious range of spatial anomalies) is the
most regular planet known to be in existence. Around it circle two moons,
about a twentieth of its size. They are directly opposite each other and
move at the same speed around the planet. Around both of those moons circle
two other moons each, again in a regular fashion. Around these four circle
another two each, and around those two each. A completely regular, clockwork
pattern, by which the official time system of San Beta is indeed
calculated.' Gagranchia is the sole basis for the great San Beta Time
System.

As it should be known to all of you, San Beta is the name of not only a
GalaGroup, but also one of its galaxies, one of that galaxy's solar systems,
and one of that solar system's planets, this also being known as
Governmental Planet. G-Planet was colonised in a joint effort between a
number of advanced races and, as I have told you before, the planet
therefore succumbed to no end of standardisations, which is always a good
thing. Time was also standardised, but most of the races on the planet did
not calculate the passage of time by using their home planets' orbits and
movements around the sun, taken as read because they all had more than one
home planet - all with different orbiting times and more than one sun in
most cases. They could have chosen a particular planet to gain time
reference from, but the first attempts caused only arguments to erupt.
Another solution had to be found. Soon, in their journeys in Ilsa Gamma,
they discovered the planet of Gagranchia with its clockwork lunar system. It
was uninhabited, was entirely regular, and could even give them various
stages of time measurement. They chose that planet as the basis for their
timing.

To facilitate the following explanation, I have constructed a sketch of
the moon system around Gagranchia, which you can find here. (It is
terribly rough. Please ignore the fact that the moons will blatantly collide
with each other during their orbits.) There are four main stages to this
time system. The SB-Year (which people may have heard me mention elsewhere
with reference to the annual Governmental meetings) is as long as an entire
360° journey around the planet by the two main moons (the M1s).
Curiously enough, due to the odd nature of the Ilsa Gamma galaxy, this is
also exactly an Earth-year long. Now, the two moons (M2s) of each of the M1s
rotate around these ten times every SB-Year, meaning the year is comprised
of ten SB-Months. The M3s around those rotate ten times in a month, giving
ten SB-Weeks to the month. After that, as you can no doubt guess, the
smallest moons, the M4s, rotate at ten times per week, giving ten SB-Days to
the week. That's a total of one thousand SB-Days in an SB-Year. An average
Earth-day is equivalent to almost three SB-Days.

Naturally, you can predict the smaller increments in time. Yes, there are
ten hours in the day, ten minutes in an hour, and ten seconds in a minute, a
second in San Beta obviously being of more importance than those of Earth
(one SB-Second is about half a minute long in Earth terms). They then go
further down with deciseconds, centiseconds and milliseconds as usual.

Of course, the day/night systems are still used to work out shifts and
mealtimes on their respective planets, including G-Planet where there are an
awful lot of mealtimes. The San Beta Time System is used to plan
interplanetary and intergalactic events such as GalArmy training sessions,
and is also the basis for GalaGroup-wide telecast timings and schedules. As
the planet of Gagranchia and its moons are so regular in their timing, it
was not necessary to build a more accurate technological model. However, to
make sure that it was not tampered with in any way, an impenetrable force
field was set up (later added to by my own technology which really
does make it impassable) to allow tourists to view the spectacle
while not letting anything in.

Clocks in San Beta that use this timing system are numerous in variances,
some using direct space/time contact with the moon cluster to calculate the
time, and others using simple programs like most chronographic devices even
on Earth to emulate the intervals.

Now, allow me to move on to the nature of time itself. As most people
know, time is a dimension along with length, width and depth. (I should also
note that there are two types of dimension: ones relating to the four things
mentioned above, and others taking the form of alternate realities. Believe
me, they are different.) Time manipulation comes in varying forms and
methods, none of which I will describe the intricate details of, but you may
no doubt find out from other scientists like myself around h2g2. Some ways
of interacting with time are by using the principal of time as a dimension,
and others assuming time to be an entity.

Assuming time to be a dimension, it is possible to simply stay where you
are in time (the time stream moves with you, you see), move forwards in it,
or backwards. Going backwards in this way allows you to change the past and
therefore the present and future, so it is never advisable to do it this
way. The whole 'predestination' thing doesn't function here. However, when
we assume that time is simply an entity ready to be shifted around to our
liking, we can do much more! Going into the past can be done by moving
time - picking it up and dragging it, if you will - forwards, moving us
backwards. Through some complicated technical jiggery-pokery we can then
choose to allow the changes in the past to influence the future, disallow
any changes to be made, or even set up a predestination paradox to fit our
wishes. Similarly, the future can be thusly manipulated. We can also choose
whether or not we actually want to be there (that is, allow ourselves to be
seen and interacted with), whether we ourselves change as we go through time
(not advisable if you're doing any long trips, as you'll either cease to
exist if you travel to before your birth, or become a mass of bones if you
go beyond your death) or whether we want to see the time stream in our
current state, thus allowing you to see yourself in the other timezone,
assuming that you exist then, of course.

Ah, the wonders of time, eh? What's more, we can even expand and contract
time, speed it up, slow it down and even flip it round and make everything
go backwards, upwards or even down! If you have the right technology you can
think of time as putty in your hands! Of course, once coming into knowledge
of all this, I took the precaution of putting a time-resistance barrier
around myself (my dimensional signature, as it were) disallowing people to
affect my past and perhaps cease my existence. One has to think of these
things, you know.

Now then, after all that, I'm sure you thirst for a little Q&A. So,
to suit your needs, here we are!

People, lend me your ears! No, wait; I need those for the Tertiary Lab
experiments. OK, lend me your questions, and then loan me your ears
so you may hear the answers! I shall answer all questions on science and
politics that you may have. And if I don't know the real truth (but how
could that possibly be?) then I'll make it up! Please send your e-mails to
the usual address.

Goodness, tricky question! Well, not so much the difficulty in finding an
answer, but more my having to scrounge up enough courage to tell you truth.
Indeed, yes, homework does exist, in many forms and varying degrees of
universal annoyance.

I don't know much about this galaxy, the Milky Way's educational systems,
but I do know that all the educational institutes on different planets are
left to their own devices with regards to setting out-of-school work. Of
course, we mustn't generalise. Some species A) don't actually have the
capacity or need for learning, and B) don't have any homes, some races
living in colonies where the schools are amongst them, and some just not
having a concept for home. In general terms though, homework is always set.
There are very, very few cases where homework isn't set for races attending
educational institutes and systems like your own on Earth.

Of course, San Beta is a different thing altogether. We do have a Head of
Education in my Government who oversees all the learning systems of all the
planets under San Betian rule, and he sets the records straight with things
like homework. At the moment I believe that homework is to be set for every
able pupil in all the schools, relative to their learning capacity and need
for it. Every planet has a certain minimum quota for learning (though they
may of course exceed this if they wish) which, for a humanoid like us, would
translate to roughly five hours a week on Earth terms. Considerably less
than what we find on Earth, I think you'll agree. However, also bear in mind
that these times can be shortened still with the use of technology and other
educational resources, so it is in fact even better in some cases.

If you want me to sort out homework on Earth, I'm afraid I can't. I have
no intention of taking over this galaxy and its planets, so don't worry
about that! Thank you for your question!

Thank you for your letter, good DoctorMO. I like your argument. It is
somehow reminiscent of the old Balig tribes from the eastern corner of this
galaxy. They had no end of trouble getting to grips with the fact that out
of all the many results they got from the variables they set in their minds,
none of them seemed to work too well.

You see, it is indeed true that, due to the nature of Typicality - which
many of you refer to as 'Murphy's Law' - in almost all cases the variables
will produce anything except the useful answer. If you know the useful
answer, you can easily compute all the unnecessary answers by, say, just
thinking of something you wouldn't want it to be. Variables of such
importance invariably (if I may use that term) produce answers you would not
want.

However, as I was saying, the Balig tribes, although able to use the
answers to further their research and cultural development - as we all have
to, you know - were always in a position to be flooded with results that
they did not find too useful. It is certainly true that your computers could
work certain things out quicker, DrMO, but would they ever work out useful
things? We shall never know.

Kerós 9? Hey man, they make the best drinks! I must take you up on your
offer!

Well, that's all for now, my friends. Always good to be back to normal,
what? Just a shame I didn't have as much space or time *chuckles* as
I wanted: I have a few things to say that may just interest you. But I shall
save them for next week. Till then, may your eyes be ever receptive to the
visible spectrum. Tinkerty tonk!

Yours with a knowledgable smirk,

- Professor Christopher Tonks

Minister for Science & Technology for the Alabaster House

GalaGroup Overseer to San Beta
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