h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've been clearing our garden of laurel and laburnum and stacking it to burn next year. Both seem good hard woods but do you know how well they burn.

Is there a German equivalent of the traditional English Woodman's poem:

Beechwood flames are bright and clear,
If the logs be kept a year.
Oaken logs burn steadily,
If the wood be old and dry.
Chestnut's only good they say,
If long dry years it's laid away.
But Ash when new or Ash when old,
Is fit for a queen with a crown of gold.

Birch and Fir they burn too fast,
Blaze too bright and will not last.
Build a fire of elder tree,
Death within your house you'll see.
If you would bake the sweetest bread,
Use Hawthorn, or so 'tis said.
But Ash when green or Ash when brown,
Will please a queen with a golden crown.

Elm will burn like churchyard mould,
Even the very flames are cold.
Poplar gives a bitter smoke,
Burns your eyes and makes you choke.
Applewood will scent your room,
With the scent of flowers in bloom.
But Ash when wet or Ash when dry,
A queen may warm her slippers by.

That is utterly brilliant. You obviously know more than I do. I can imagine that laburnum and laurel are fairly twiggy though, and would make good kindling, but will be hard to keep dry.

Thanks for the kind thoughts but the poem is just a folk memory. There are several versions of it but all say much the same and advise ash or oak as the best fuels. We have both these in the garden but they're too nice as trees to be burnt. Laurel on the other hand was blocking the light and killing things and laburnum grows like weeds round here.

No problem with twigs, everything under 2" diameter went up in a bonfire. The thicker stuff is stacked in the carport to dry out but I won't know how well it burns until next winter. The bonfire is no guide because that was driven by the heat from the laurel and holly leaves. They're both very waxy and burn furiously.

I do know (from bitter experience when clearing the garden) that some woods don't burn at all well. I was just wondering whether I was wasting my time stacking the laurel.

Aah now bonfires. That is a completely different kettle of fish in Germany. You are not allowed to have them. Full stop. There are stipulations such as : the fire must be 8 m from any building or tree and you have to tell the fire station you're having it and you're only allowed to burn certain stuff - (I gave up in the end, so I can't remember the details). We had hoped to have a Guy Fawkes party once, without the fireworks, but at least to have a bonfire, so that's how I found out, although I can't remember why I even thought to ask.

Fireworks are only allowed to see the New Year in. All very regimented. Special permission can be granted, of course. On the American bases they used to have 4 July fireworks and I suppose on the British bases they would have had Guy Fawkes night. And many towns with finish a summer fest with a firework display. Last year I sung in a concert where we sang some Händel and then they played the fireworks music with the fireworks display. The choir couldn't see it, because the fireworks went off behind us!

I don't know about laurel or laburnum burning, so I can't help you there. Some woods do have surprising properties. I could ask our forester when we see him this year - my husband is talking of getting some more wood this year, although we went last year, and normally go every other year. So I shall ask him. Will have to look up laburnum, but I know the German for laurel.

The Council used to offer a service where a great big lorry came round and chopped up all garden wood (hedge clippings etc) for mulching. If you asked them nicely, they would leave it - otherwise they took it away for their own use. They have, unfortunately, stopped doing that now - first you had to cart the stuff down to the tip yourself where they would chop it - now they don't do it at all.

We hire a shredder from a local DIY shop - it costs the same for the weekend as for overnight - and have produced loads of mulch from our beech hedge that way.

So, if it doesn't burn, you could look into shredding possibilities.

Not sure if you're still around, but I asked my husband at last about the laurel. He says that the laurel burned particularly well as it seemed to have quite a high oil content. We don't have any laburnum. Lilac we do have, and a bit of that got taken up this year. Don't know how that's doing.