h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not having any kids myself, I don't know how qualified I am to talk on this subject. However, having *been* a child myself, I do consider myself qualified on how *not* to talk.

1) Don't assume that kids simply already know all they need to. Case in point -- until I was 4 or 5, I thought that there were 3 genders in the world. Boys, girls, and astronauts. Why? Because I was told that I couldn't be an astronaut because I was a girl. It didn't occur to me that only boys were astronauts, I just assumed that they were some elusive third gender. At this point, I also thought that what you named a child would determine what gender it would be. If you named your child Tommy, he would be a boy - if you named the same child Mary, she would be a girl. Of course, I wanted to name my new sibling "Fruitin", because then it would be an astronaut....

2) Don't oversimplify. After I was disabused of this notion, I believed that men had boy babies, and women had girl babies. Why? When I asked why my brothers lived in a different house than I did, I was told that my three older brothers were my dad's children, and that my sister and I were my mom's children. Obviously, then, men have boy babies and women have girl babies.

3) Don't use play names for body parts, and especially don't use names that actually mean something else. Sadly, I was pretty shocked the first time I had a good look at male genitalia when I was around 10 -- I had fully expected it to look like a peanut....

4) Don't ignore the topic altogether. I was given the little talk about "now you have your period, and that means that if a man's sperm got inside you, a baby would be conceived" when I was around 10 or 11. Neither of my parents ever mentioned sex again, even when I started taking birth control pills in high school.

5) Be aware of the fact that information and misinformation is quite often handed down from sibling to sibling. Given #4 above, this isn't necessarily a bad thing - otherwise I might still be confused about the hole tab A into slot B thing.


Mikey

Does your deluded childhood described above have anything to do whit you not having any kids?

Having had an 'innocent' childhood myself I can second the sibling information point... thank goodness for big sisters! I shudder to think where I'd have been without her guidance. Can't help wondering how my eldest sister go on though

Yay for older sisters. Mine is 13 yrs older (my only sibling) and when I reached 11 went out and got one of the more detailed all about boys, girls, sex etc books. Which I was bemused to find my mother wanting to read before I was allowed to, to make sure it was "suitable" - as if she didn't trust my (then) 24 yr old sister's judgement on these things...

It wasn't too long after that I realised that she was probably reading it so she knew what I would once I'd read it! he he

It will be somewhat different for our children. We have copies of "The Joy of Sex" and other similar titles openly displayed on our book shelves, including ones on Safe Sex and 'alternative' practices - courtesy of my husband's involvement with HIV support. (Note to self - shelf read book cases once DS starts to read to make age appropriate stuff more accessible and more advanced texts less accessible)

Q'pop

Some kids don't *want* to know the facts of life
I am still so juvenile I wouldn't be seen dead being interested in stuff like this.
My parents said they gave me long and complicated explanations when I was little 'cos I've always known about sex but never known how I knew.

6. Always ask more questions before you offer ANY information. Sometimes the question you've decided is about the facts of life is not that deep. Kids are sometimes simpler beings ... and very literal. You could find you've just done the whole shenanigans and they only wanted to know where the baby grows. Which if the child is very young only needs a finger pointing to the tummy. Don't rush to offer all the facts... but keep an open conversation going. till when?.... till they stop asking.. be it 18 or 80!

I was raised by a mother who was rather embassed by the whole thing, I think. At 13 I got all the information a growing-up girl needed, and it was pretty much left at that. To the point I teased her about where babies came from days before I gave birth! Thank all the powers that be for a best friend, way back in school days, who's mother was a nurse. My "second mom" gave her daughter and me all the information, and graphic pictures from her books to look at.

With my own child, a son, it happened differently. I was going to be the enlightened parent. In young childhood he never really wanted to know anything. Before he was 7 I taught him how to look up stuff in the encyclopedia - I was tired of looking up snakes, and dinosaurs, and such for him. Well, of course, in his forays through the volumes, he came across pretty academic information about sex, and reproduction, and brought it to me for explanation. Caught me right off guard, but I was able to put down what I was doing and go through it with him. Being a booky-type, it worked for him. When he was older he and his dad had "the talk", and I don't know what all was discussed, but he came away happy, and his dad wasn't TOO red. He's just turned 22, and he appears to be well-adjusted, so, for our own child, we must have fumbled through it in the right way.